the great vehicle debate

I drive a truck... a 4X4 gas guzzling, smoke puffing, huge truck. It's a beautiful truck, red, almost fully loaded, peach to drive, fast, responsive - I really like my truck.

But lately I've had this thing happening in my head every time I get behind the wheel. I think 'silly girl' (that's how I speak to myself when I am having a conversation with me) 'just what the heck do you need this big piece of metal? It's really too big for what you do, it costs a fortune to run (gas costs per month are currently edging towards $600), you can't park it downtown, its almost a liability - not to mention it is a huge polluter.

So, I've decided to do something about it. I'm downsizing. Like so many things in my life that I have found 'not necessary' the big red truck is one of them. Now those who have been within earshot of me lately know of the woes and frustration I have undergone while trying to put myself into a new vehicle. Notice I say 'put myself into'.

My first bit of frustration came when I found out that dealerships really don't want your business. I think I am a pretty 'qualified' buyer. I won't go near a dealer unless I want to do something, I go in knowing basically what I want, I know the terms I want it in, I know the cost of doing business etc. I am straight up and straight ahead. This time around I even further qualified myself by telling several sales men (and three managers) I am in the market for a new vehicle NOW!

No one took me seriously. As it turned out, I ended up selling myself the vehicle of my choice, at pretty much my deal. I'm neither happy nor disappointed. I'm a bit put off that no one wanted to earn my business. I'm even more put off when I hear the auto industry whine about loses.

Bottom line, I think you can be standing there with a suitcase of $100 bills ready to step into a new vehicle and 90% of the sales reps out there wouldn't be interested in talking to you. Why? I don't know. Maybe I don't deal with hungry enough reps? Maybe dealing with managers has it's downfalls.

So, the long and short of this story.... if it all holds together, I will be driving my much smaller, much more fuel efficient, easier to park Edge by the end of the day on Friday. Now I do say, if all holds together. You just never know with a deal that sounds as if it 'was too good to be true'.

For any of you out there thinking about buying or leasing yourself a new vehicle, I've rounded up some best practices to help you get the best deal you can with the least amount of frustration.

#1) Do some research. Have a pretty good idea of what you are looking for in an auto. Passion is still the number one downfall in negotiating a good deal, don't fall prey to the 'I love it, got to have it' - this is not a pair of shoes!

#2) Know your price range. Whether you are leasing or buying most auto makers now how calculators on their product pages. They will even allow you to 'build and price' your vehicle. This little feature allows you to set some expectations such as what is in your price range and where your top end of the deal is.

#3) Don't buy/lease on your first trip out. Go on a fact finding mission. Be prepared to visit at least two dealerships to keep the other one honest.

#4) There is always room to negotiate! Work a bit, save a lot.

#5) If you really have hit your best deal, go for the extras that don't cost in the deal; ie. free oil changes, free tires etc.

#6) There is no need to rush - so don't. Make sure you are happy with the deal.

#7) Skinny deals are not always the best deals. Try not to beat your dealership up too much, leave them something in the deal. They really do need to make a bit of money on these deals, it allows them to help you out in a pinch and go the extra mile for you. That doesn't mean that you don't get yourself the best deal you can.... just be realistic.

There are volumes written on how to get your best car deal. If you want help, it is out there. Remember if it sounds to good to be true, it likely is... well unless it is chocolate and red wine :)

On that note, have Hot Cherry Day!

My scary bunny photo got yanked and I got my knuckles wrapped

Yep, freedom of the Internet doesn't really mean it's free - or something like that. Before I get going, you'll notice this blog has no pictures.... a show of respect for Mr. Bunny.

Here's the deal. Everyone knows I source funny pictures for the Hot Cherry Review Blog. Sometimes, they get yanked, most times they don't. I don't take the time to ask permission every time I grab one, nor do I believe I should have to. If someone drops into our site - how they find their pictures on Hot Cherry is beyond me - Google maybe? - (same way I find the pics in the first place?) spots their picture and don't want it being their, they yank it. No big deal. I'm easy to get along with. Personally, if I was to stumble on one of my pictures used somewhere, I'd kinda be happy about it... buy hey, that's just me.

So, as it turns out, the picture of the kinda scary Easter Bunny was the property of the Director of Web Media of the the First Baptist Church of Springdale & The Church at Pinnacle Hills in Rogers. Here's the email I received today: 'Hello, Yesterday I noticed that you had used a photo from a blog we maintain, BetweenSundays.com. After seeing that you had used it in a post, I removed the image from the server. Please remove the call to this image on your post dated April 04, 2007. I appreciate your time and consideration. Any further use of digital images without our consent will force us to take legal action.'

I know what you are thinking.... Saturday I wrestled with the Salvation Army and today I'm back at it, now with the Baptist's - at this rate I am likely going to hell.

But you don't understand..... I don't want to go to hell. Even though I confess, I am not a church goer, nor am I the devote Anglican as I was baptised, I am not a bad person. I love my fellow man, cherish all, believe in higher powers, I'm thoughtful, considerate, law abiding etc. I don't go to Church because I feel that I would be somehow lying to myself - I have never sorted out what I actually believe in and until I do, I won't be going.

My point of all this.... well, aside from the threat of 'legal action' - wosh... was that a bit harsh or what? It's not like I was putting their photos all over 'nasty' sites, nor was I using them in derogatory ways, I didn't make t-shirts and I wasn't going to use it in any other form. It was a cute and funny picture - great photographer actually, I liked it, you liked, we used it. We certainly meant no harm.

Okay, I know you are nail biting waiting to hear how I responded.... okay, here it is: 'My sincere apologies 'name withheld' (I could get sued for using it) There were no disclaimers on your photo, in fact it was found on a random 'Google images, Easter Bunnies' search.
I do not use copyrighted or protected images, your image was allowed.
Perhaps you may want to do some research on protecting your images and not allowing them to be searchable on the Internet.
Have a wonderful day and all the best to you (name withheld).'

To that, this was his response: 'Thank you for your quick response and timely action. I appreciate your concern, but while I am concerned about the use of our digital media, I am not interested in removing them from search engines.
I did, however, find a great source of information that you might want to read when you get a chance. It explains that all intellectual property belongs to the creator, regardless of copyrights. Might be helpful.
http://www.2learn.ca/copyright/gencopyright.html'

Okay, I've been made to feel like a criminal.... yes, I've been punished again.... I guess if I would have known who the creator was, I may have asked to use the image. On the other hand, had there been a disclaimer or the creator's name, I would have likely just passed the photo by and found another one to use instead.

And no, I don't agree with the response. I've said it over and over again. Don't put shit on the Internet that you don't want others to see or use. That goes for nasty comments about your boss or your best friend, video of you and hubby/wife getting it on, pictures of your kids, pictures of your house, of yourself naked....

Time and time again I run into people who lash out against what can be found online. Now, before anyone takes my comments to extremes, I've said it before and I will say it again - there is no place anywhere for the likes of child porn, abuse, etc. There are sick, demented people out there. For this same reason, I don't like to see pictures that are searchable of stuff that these freaks can grab and use for their personal gratification. That's sick and there are 'humans' that do it. Let us all agree that there is nasty, disgusting, repulsive shit online - govern yourself accordingly. The same Internet is responsible for global communications, shared knowledge, resources etc, heck it even helps the Baptist Church out by disseminating knowledge and teachings. It's not all bad.

What ever has happened to being reasonable Internet citizens though? The 'Good Director of Web Development' will not take measures to protect his images that will restrict them from 'searches', but he will chastise me and threaten legal action if I persist. Hey, I'm the good guy here. Think of how many freaks with fetishes about people dressed in Easter Bunny outfits are out there - those are the ones the 'Good Director' needs to worry about.

Besides that I'm not 100% sure that you can claim ownership of a photo that is posted on the Internet which the creator has not taken the time to put their tag/name or TM on ... I do know (from consulting our lawyer, who specializes in e-com and Internet) that there are some very muddy areas. I can seriously say though, I do not have the energy, desire or bandwidth to argue with Mr. Director any further, so I'll just allow him this one and be done with funny looking Easter Bunnies from Baptist websites.

I am not out to piss in any one's cornflakes - (shit, can I say that without a copyright allowance?), I would have appreciated a quick note from the 'Director' saying.... hey, pulled your picture, didn't like how it was used, next time, please don't use mine. Have a great day.

On that note... You all behave and have yourselves a Hot Cherry Day!

Bunnies, eggs and strange stuff

Well it's Easter Sunday.... a day of rest, relaxation and mindless surfing of the Internet. (it's been a long weekend already and we've decided that staying close to home was a must) I couldn't resist the urge to share with you what I've learned.

Well then, have a lovely day, I'll catch up with you later in the week!

Seriously, there simply is not much on either on the traditional tube or on the internet. I've cruised through eBay several times - never buy on eBay on a holiday auction! There are too many people who are attempting to escape their families (who arrived sometime last week and are not due to leave until mid this week) and have found sanctuary in online auctions. Never the less, I have a couple of items I am currently holding the winning bid on - duh.

So while I contemplate my winning auctions I have wandered all over the Internet today. I got my gym schedule for the week, did a bit of 'work related' research, looked at a couple of online fashion shows and for the most part, I basically managed to waist hours today. (oh and no, we don't have family visiting)

Speaking of family - 'the daughter' is somewhere in Montreal for the evening. Her and 'the boy' took off this morning with assorted other friends we have never met to go to a 'wicked' all night party.... something about 'white'..... Oh to be 21 and very foolish again. I of course couldn't let her leave without the 'be careful, it's Montreal you know' lecture. Ahhh, they don't care. Hey wait, neither did we.

I do have a funny story.... my apologies if I've already told this one to you. 'Hubby' along with collecting vintage cuff links, now has a fancy for vintage luggage. (don't ask, I don't know) So, after I left a very disappointing auction early yesterday morning, I cruised through the streets of Smiths Falls. Along one street it the 'Salvation Army Store', along side the building is what looks like an immaculate piece of 40's luggage. I slam on the breaks, hop out and take a look - sure enough, it is.

Now, I don't know what time the 'Sally Anne' opens so I go to the door. I'm met by a rather 'abrupt' women who announces 'we don't open until 10!'. It starts from there. In my hand is this piece of luggage I so desperately want to purchase from the store.

I apologize for disturbing her and explain my find and tell her I would like to buy it from her. 'NO!, you can't'. 'Huhh??' 'We are not open' she tells me again. (she is speaking to me through a crack in the door btw) 'But, I'm not from here, so, can I come back when you open at 10 and buy it then?' 'NO! it has to go to intake first', she tells me. 'But, I'm not from here, I won't be coming back, can I just come back at 10 and buy it from you? Can you give it to intake and then I can pay you? After 10, when you open of course?' 'NO! It has to go to intake first, then I can sell it to you, but not today!' she is getting pretty hot with me now. 'But.... ' I say, 'NO! I Can not sell it to you today!'

I know when I'm not going to win the battle, so I hang my head and take the luggage and put it back along side the building. I know what you are thinking, the same thing I am thinking - screw it, throw it in the truck and leave! But I can't, it's like stealing from God - I couldn't do it. Instead I left to drive around town, grab a coffee and wait until the store opened.

In the meantime, I call 'Hubby' and give him the news. What do I do, I ask... 'I thought about just taking it, but I can't do that'. 'NO' he says, you can't do that. 'Wait till store opens, go find the intake guy and plead with him.

So, I do. Just as I am pulling up to the store, I notice a man wearing a Salvation Army shirt loading the drop offs from the day before into the truck, I guess for 'intake'. I park, get out and walk up to him. He tells me 'Oh yeah, (insert name of lady at the door earlier in here)..... told me about you. (I know what she told him, that I likely stole the suitcase) He looks me directly in the eye and says....'I'll have to charge you $5 though and I can't take you money on the street, I'll need to take the piece in through the back door, you go through the front, I'll meet you at the cash register, okay?' I'm delighted of course.

$5, two trips and an outrageous confrontation and I'm out of there with my very cool, very perfect vintage luggage. All of it happens on Easter weekend.... very strange.

Hope you've had a wonderful Easter Sunday.... I will be back with more this week - I just can't help myself.
Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Easter Monday!

Oh shit, it's Wednesday!

Yikes.... Wednesday - where did the week go?

I woke up this morning in an 'almost cold sweat' - notice I say 'almost' and 'cold sweat' - I figured I had dreamt that I had forgotten to do something important. Not that I often don't forget, I do, often. I need to write everything down or I will forget. There was a time when I lived with sticky notes and was the 'post-it' note's best customer. Those days have long since past - now I just wake up frightened.

I've spent the entire day wondering just what I have forgotten, there has to be something about that alone that is all wrong. The fact that I worry about it is even worse. Take for example 'the daughter'. She forgets things all of the time; that her insurance payment is due (to me btw because she can't remember to change the billing over to her name, it still comes out of my account), her laundry, that the mascara in her pocket does not belong to her and that the cool, very funky retro sunglasses perched on top of her head actually need to be perched in a basket in my dressing room. Does she loose any sleep over these things she forgets - no way - she's probably forgotten all about it.

Why then are some of us so twisted up about what we can't remember in the first place? Don't look to me for an answer, just nod and acknowledge that we are all really 'bent'!

On other fronts, I think I have developed a sort of awe inspired fetish for video - no not that type of fetish... wait, let me think.... Seriously, video video - the clean and funny or not so funny stuff that is recorded and stored for viewing at a later date. Every time I turn around recently I seem to be running into more and more applications for live video feeds over the Internet. Rather like your best friend buying a car that you have never heard of and then all of a sudden everyone is driving one. I'm not entirely sure what the best thing to do with this video thing I have - some say porn is an option.... I say,... 'hey baby, with this butt, it's not!' I have my ideas and no, they are not 'dirty' of course they are all top secret so I can't tell you right now either. (buy me a whiskey or two (okay maybe a few more than that) though, and I can't be held responsible for what comes out of my mouth.

Our friends are in Mexico right now, with a young neighbor couple who are renewing their vows. Yes, I did say young, you now should ask 'why?'. I don't know. Well I do know why our friends are there - they wanted a vacation and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Why the 'kiddies' are renewing their vows so early in the marriage life span, I don't know. Why do couples need to renew their vows anyways? We have the photos and likely the video (ahhh, see) what do these couples know that I don't. Was there are reason involved, such as infidelity? Is it guilt? Or is it just an excuse to go on vacation? Sounds like an excellent revenue generator for some resort on the Myan Riviera!

I know you are sitting on the edge of your seat, wondering what 'the daughter' and 'hubby' have been up to this last week. Let me start with 'hubby'. The amazing man I married has once again reversioned himself. When we met he was one of the least compassionate men I had ever engaged in conversation with. (but then again he wouldn't wear pink.... yeah, ask him about his tailored Venice french cuffed pink shirt) This week and a portion of last week the unfortunate of the world weighed heavy on his mind. I'm happy he is thinking in terms like this..... I would just like to know why now. This does not make him a candidate for some religious based group that would like to get their hands on his (and my) hard earned $s - but it is still a bit of a step in another direction. I wonder often if our lovely daughter hasn't effected him more than he will let on.

Speaking of 'the daughter'. She returned home this Monday (which was also her 21st birthday) to visit with her poor old folks and of course collect the gifts that we showered her with. We wanted to get her all useful things this time... we especially wanted to get her a gift card from a grocery store so that she would have emergency money for food if she needed it. After much consideration though, I opted for clothes, a collection of 'needed items' for her day to day existence and a gift card to Shoppers. Why no groceries... well... I don't know what grocery store is in the area of where she is now living and I was convinced that if there was not one right close the gift card would just go to waste.

So home our little darling comes. She tells us about her wild birthday weekend... how she has no money...... how they partied three nights..... how she has no money..... how she is thinking about becoming a tattoo and piercing person. Yep. Welder, Piercer... I can see the relationship there. They both work with industrial metal - duh. Oh, she brought her laundry too. I can't win. We also had a discussion about the pig pen of a bedroom that she maintains in this house. 'Oh, I was thinking about that' she says, 'so I'm going to have to come home and pack up all my stuff to move into our new apartment, like, one night, maybe next week'. I of course respond... 'cool' and then ask her... what are you going to pack your stuff in? 'Oh, I hadn't thought about that'.... the rest of the evening our conversation sounded like that.... 'oh, I hadn't thought about that'. What can I say.

In the morning she gets up, running late she jogs to the door and goes outside for a smoke. Comes back in and goes back up stairs. 10 minutes later and almost late now, she comes back down and goes to fetch the laundry from the drier. 'Ahhhh damn it!', yeah it's 'daughter'. 'My clothes aren't dry!' I smile and say... 'well sweetie... why didn't your check them when you woke me up pounding down the stairs chatting to your friend on the phone at 1am? Or, why didn't you check them when you went outside to have a smoke?' 'Oh' she says 'I guess I forgot'. I can't win!

So that's the start to my week. Whatcha up to this coming long weekend? Traditionally we spend Thursday night having way too much fun at the local Pub. We get up and drag our sorry butts to the area's biggest junk auction on Good Friday. We spend Saturday doing 'stuff'. Saturday night back at our local Pub and Sunday trying to remember just why our heads hurt.

I know I've forgotten to tell you something, that I was meaning to tell you. Likely some cool information about how you can buy something so under value that it is insane - but hey.... I forget. Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Easter weekend - I promise, I'll catch up next week.

crazy things that happen on a Monday

Ah yes, Monday - again. I'm not entirely sure why, but there is no other day like a Monday. They almost always seem, well, out of whack.

I was woke from a pleasant sleep 5 minutes prior to the alarm going off by a rumble and the old house shacking. An earth quake, a very large truck getting stuck in my yard... perhaps the 'secret, not so secret' forces guys were practicing again.

As it turned out, it was thunder. Yep last week was -15 at night, this week we have a thunder storm. Stupid weather. It gets stranger though. I was sitting at my computer, which resides with my multi function fax/printer/scanner, a halogen lamp (responsible for melting the corner of my flat screen monitor) numerous piles of paper, a water bottle and my 'D-Link' broadband router. I'm sorting papers when there is a 'electrical snap', I look up to see the flash jump from my multi function and I feel a burn in my finger. It was one of those 'wtf' moments.

A the very same time as all this happens, my broadband connection goes dead. Shit I think... we've been hit. (by lightening, it happens once a year) I start by checking all pieces of equipment, everything seems to be working, even though there is a faint smell of melting plastic.

Well, as it turns out, the only victim of the lightening strike was my 'D-link' router. I haven't done anything about it. Seems these days I am the only one in the house that needs an Internet connection and I can run direct. I'll get to replacing the hardware, one of these days.

Daughter.... she picks Monday nights as the time she comes home to do laundry. Last Monday she had agreed to clean up the room she has occupied and called her own for many years..... (I believe there are critters living in there) Well, that is not happening. She did bring home a backpack full of dirty clothes to take care of though. I have to say, I do sort of admire that she can go an entire week with a backpack of clothes... that wouldn't last me three days.

She also is complaining about being tiered... its hard to work from 4pm to 8pm and still feel fresh. Yeah, I did say 4pm. Hubby says it is 'a good learning experience for her', I wonder what she is learning - btw, there are laundry services where she is living - why dirty clothes come home I just don't understand. (yeah, so what's your point..... we all brought laundry home... but I at least stayed and ate for the weekend.)

I guess I'll get past the 'I'm going to ignore you' attitude - and yes, the laundry too. i just wish she had a bit more personality or at least be a gracious enough guest to sit down and say hello when she walks in and raids the refrigerator.

I've decided I hate Mondays for other reasons too. Monday are my fat days. It sucks. I guess if I didn't manage to over due the weekend as much, then I wouldn't be facing 'my ass looks like the back end of my truck' realization when I look into the Monday morning mirror.

Mondays are also the worst day for meetings. I had one pulled off my agenda that had been scheduled for a week - changed over to Tuesday. The fellow I was meeting with had to go see about some x-rays. Reasonable excuse.

My second appointment of the day was a no show. I sat for almost an hour sipping on a cup of exotic tea at a cute little shop down in the Byward Market. My appointment used the excuse that she was waiting for me at a Japanese Noodle shop in the same building. Well, not really, first it was in the same building, then it was in another building - apparently the one that I was in housed a Chinese noodle house. Yep, another 'wtf'. Especially seeing as we were not to meet in a noodle house at all, instead a 'tea shop'. Noodles - tea...... pretty hard to get mixed up wouldn' t you say.

I think really what happened is that she forgot and then made up the excuse. I would have been much happier had she just said... 'hey, listen, I forgot, I screwed up, you weren't that important'. I am her career coach - hummmm.... should I take this as a sign?

So I'm looking forward to a much better Tuesday. I have two meetings, one for lunch. Both with senior professionals who I am sure put me in their agenda's last week. As for 'daughter'... I get to drive her back into the city. Oh lucky me. I'll let you know how that goes.

Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day - I'll try to keep my cool today and root up some more interesting stories.

Weddings and Funerals.... no kidding

So is it true, what they say about Weddings and Funerals? That you only see relatives and long lost acquaintances at them? What does that say about us as a society - other than, we just don't give our relationships their due respect?

I'm wondering, why don't people take pictures at funerals? I know it is a very sad time, but it is also an occasion. A time when people get together. I know that at my funeral I will be pretty ticked off if people are mourning the loss instead of celebrating my life. So why wouldn't you take pictures. Wouldn't Aunt Nelly like to see the people who attend the service and all of the nice flowers as she wasn't able to be there in person?

Why don't people do the same things they do at weddings? There is a receiving line, a visiting time, a reflection time, there is a get-to-gether for family following the event and there is food and drink - all the same as there is at a wedding. Yet, we don't video our funerals or take pictures.

Am I just being morbid? Is that what is wrong with my thoughts on this one? We can't talk about death and departing? Why don't we celebrate a person's life? Why can't we record their last public appearance? Why can't we put the event in a form that can be shared by many? Record the funeral so that it is never forgotten?

I also want to know why we make such a huge fuss out of capturing our wedding days. Heck over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Couples spend massive amounts of ching, making sure that they can 'look back on the special day' - or burn the evidence which ever way it works out. No one would question taking a video at a wedding that had less than a 50% chance of not ending in hurt, pain and hardship - yet tell them that I want my funeral filmed and they gasp with disbelief.

Seriously.... I want to hear your thoughts on this one. What if in 100 years from now, one of my ancestors looks up their lineage and finds a web archive of my funeral - I'd like that. What about you?

Yet another original thought by yours truly from the Hot Cherry Review group.
Take a moment and write to us... tell us your thoughts about capturing of a funeral. Until I hear from you again - have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day!

yet another Monday

Ah yes, yet another Monday.

One could only hope that not all weeks start off in such a lack-luster way - occasionally though, they do. I'm going to call this Monday - 'flat day' and get on with it. Ahhh, I know you, dying to know all the yummy gossip, all the goings on, the inside track.... 'kay, here we go.

Let me first tell you about my day. I'm finishing up a 3 month contract that ended up being 4 months for the nonprofit I mentioned in earlier entries. At one time, I thought it was going to suck the life right out of me. More recently though, it actually allowed me to regenerate some desire to conquer the business world. (within reason of course)

Through the contract I met some amazing people. Bright, talented, scopey.... unfortunately not many were with the group I was contracted to - ah well. I think if you stay in a situation that takes everything out of you just to get out of bed, sooner or later, you'll be swept under. It sucks but it's true. Run - run very fast!

So, energized and ready to do battle I am out looking for my next place to land. I've spent the last year doing and learning, focusing on all of these 'little projects' that I have. It's been great. I miss being a part of the bigger mission though. I seriously like interaction with others. It gets me up in the morning. Besides, until 'we' figure out all that 'we' need to on other fronts, I'm going to still have to work to fund the 'project'. Yep, I'm job hunting.

I am looking for a place where I can make a difference, contribute to the overall goal, do some good. I'm looking at all kinds of companies. Big, small, start up and established. I've met some nice folks already, have some interviews, some more meetings in the works. It goes well. Until this morning.

I had a phone interview set up with a local company who designs and delivers HR functional software. (I won't name the culprit yet) The women doing the interview, from HR didn't want to meet in person, so, on the phone it was. She couldn't facilitate this last week as she was 'too busy', so we opted in for today. I arranged my schedule to accommodate her..... the time came when she was to call, the time went, with no call. I checked my messages... everywhere.... I checked my email.... all accounts... Nothing. I emailed her. Nothing. I am not impressed.

Companies wonder why it is so hard to make good hires, engage their employees, retain their people. Well, need we even discuss it any further. With the likes of this women in HR, is there any question. I'm going to give her until tomorrow, after I call her in the morning... or maybe not. Fact of the matter is, if HR can't be bothered to keep an appointment, it is not the kind of company I want to be associated with. Tomorrowis another interview... in person... with a company I really like. Will see how that works out.

On the home front... daughter just came home. She is moving to the city. Sort of. All of her mess, dirty clothes and assorted mess still lives with us... and so does she apparently, when she needs to do laundry.

Long story short is this; last Sunday morning at 2am, I get a call... half sobbing she says - 'it took me two hours to get here, my car kept over heating, I don't know if it is going to run in the morning'. Did I mention 2am? Just what am I going to do about it at 2am when she is safe at 'the boy's' place? Sure enough... her car didn't start. Sure enough, had she had it looked at and had she changed the thermostat three months ago... the poor little abused car would still be alive today. Oh no, couldn't do that though - head gasket, machine the head etc. over $1400 - $1400 that she doesn't have.

So she is walking (or busing). We would have helped her get a new set of wheels but it would have meant that she would be still living at home and she would need to get a second job. After much consideration she elected to not fix the car and to move into the big city. Keep the one low paying job until somehow she manages to get employed in her trade again..... I hear the washing machine... I feel so used.

Did I ever tell you about our good friend Stu who used to do his laundry in our other good friend's pool? Not a word of a lie. He'd come over, strip down to his gitch (when there were women around) and proceed to launder his clothing in the pool. No soap, no softner... just pool water. I miss Stu, he moved home and we haven't seen him since.

So that's my day. Yours? Oh did I mentioned a stressed out hubby? Yep.... seems he had too much on the go today... he confessed though - 'I don't handle stress well, when there are too many things to do, I freak out'... yeah. He called more than a few times... stressing about labels that wouldn't print, too many things to do, and a cursed printer, all things that I could do nothing about.

On that note... I'm outta here. I'll keep you posted on the interview process, hopefully without many more stories like today. Feel free to share yours too - we are all ears. In the meantime, have a Hot Cherry Day!

My friends make cookies!

Cookies are the most wonderful thing on the face of the earth. Well, next to fab shoes, wicked retro outfits, real gentleman (who hold open doors, make eye contact when they talk to you, ask a girl what she thinks and smile even though it all pains them) and hot sandy beaches.

What moves cookies way up the list though, are the best people in the world who make them for you. Home made, nummy, fresh cookies. Cooked to perfection (not that way that I cook them, slightly over cooked and too brown on the bottom), complete with icing and served up in a cool container.

To our friends who do this for us - thank you, thank you, thank you! You don't contribute to my goal of dropping a few pounds, but you certainly add to my daily happiness! xo

Now, on to the guts of this edition. It's Valentines week. Ugh. I don't like it personally. Even though I am often spoiled by my wonderful Hubby. So, I'm not complaining on that front. I just don't like the exaggerated prices and the pressure it puts on both couples and singles.

Couples must adore their loved ones with at least a box of over priced chocolates or a dozen of exaggerated and stale roses. And don't forget the card (useless is it not... you read, you 'ahhh, honey' and you put it away. I always feel guilty throwing out a card that someone has given me - I have heaps of them. Hummm, maybe someday they will be valuable and some will trade them on ebay?). The card must sum up in one little entry, exactly how special your Valentine is. Oh the pressure.

What about 'couples just starting to date'. What the frig do you do about Valentines Day? (This is for you my cookie making friend!) Do you buy the gift? What about the card? Is he really worth it? What kind of card to give - thanks for a great shag, it's too soon to tell if you are a keeper, hey don't go reading any thing into this relationship just because you got a card, whoa big boy, easy now, don't go getting all freaky on me.... See what I mean.

Oh and what about the casual 'friend with benefits' situation? Do you even acknowledge the day under those circumstances? I don't have the answer on this one btw, though I would be interested in knowing.

And that moves us over to the singles. Who on bloody earth wants to be single on a day all about love, romance, kiss me and tell me you love me and then take me to bed, kind of day? Been there and done that... I remember feeling left out - 'hey just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm a looser! I like being on my own. I don't want another looser boyfriend who causes me grief and aggravation and btw, I just got rid of the stalker....'

No matter if being single is your choice or not, it just feels that everyone is looking at you thinking (and some saying) 'oh poor dear... she's all alone on Valentines Day'.

What did I do... well. I stuck my head in the sand, put on a smiling face and basically told them all to go f-themselves. Then I went home and climbed into bed with a box of ice cream, a spoon and a good movie and yes, felt sorry for myself. Yeah, Valentines Day sucks!

Enough.

I think I've also had enough of winter. This cold is nasty. There is so little snow to do anything. It is almost tax time (don't get me started). I think it is about time we turned our attention to spring.

Yummy spring shoes, cool outfits, wicked colours! This week we are going to start looking at the new spring trends. I'll tell you where to get them, what they are worth and why darlin' you need em.

In the meantime.... enjoy your day, make cookies and protest against holidays that exclude happy people and make them feel miserable.

Have a Hot Cherry week!

Nah na, nah, nah, nahha, hey, hey hey......

Yeah, I don't know..... I read somewhere that when you endeavor to write, it is always best to write down what first comes to mind. Do you at least remember the song?

What made me think of it was simply a connection between the 10 vintage rock t-shirts I took into my possessions this afternoon and a true rock anthem. This brings me to my question of the day. Why is it so damn hard to get guys to part with their vintage rock t-shirts in the first place. Don't look to me for the answer, well other than, they hold memories - if you know how to get them out of their clutches though, please do let me know.

Here's another blast from the past. I've taken the notion that I would like to locate a bit of memorable from my youth. An vintage 'rain lamp'. They were either on the table in the living room or hanging in a corner. Made of brass with some sort of figurine in the centre. The heat of the light bulb warmed the oil which moved from one reservoir to another via dripping down a set of beads, into the base and being pumped back up. The lamps were never really a thing of beauty, but many people had them. I believe most of them hailed from the 50's as my memory would have been when I was in my early teens.

So, I am seeking a 'rain lamp', hopefully functioning. If anyone knows where I can get one - the real kind not the late '80's early 90's reproductions, kindly let me know.

Another quest high on my list is funky hanging lamps. Yep, right out of the 60's and 70's. Orange, blue, green globes, hanging from golden chains. They need to be glass though, not the plastic type. Oh and chairs. Big ole tulip chairs in all kinds of bright garish colours. Send them my way.

Now I know that most people find this retro stuff just pure junk and frankly, I bank on that. I was never a real fan of furniture when I was younger, it is a later in life thing. I did however have the most outrageous bedroom as a teenager. Bright purple with huge purple flower wall paper. I had a huge room too. Complete with a 'stereo corner' and a 'work area'. A double closet that you could never get the door closed on. You know the kind - hell you all had them. Oh and the best - purple shag carpet! My room rocked.

Come to think of it, the 70's pretty much rocked too. Yeah it was high school, there were always issues, always reasons to panic, but you know, looking back, life was good. As a kid I never wanted for much. My family worked on the basic principals - earn your way. I always thought we were hard done by, needless to say, I was delusional. As a teen I worked on the family farm and in town at the local (and only for 30+ miles) Canadian Tire.

My girlfriend got me the job, in the paint department. It helped too that a guy she was dating, was the owner's son. I worked after school and full time once I was out of school for the summer. My first year at the CTC was also the first summer that I had my driver's license and was able to drive on my own. With Daddy's car, which of course I abused the privilege of having. (after I took it to my ball game, headed off to 'party' with the group - yes with the boys - and 'forgot' to make it home)

My Dad was very fond of taking away privileges - he took away the right to drive. Grounded, I went to and from work and to and from the barn - for a whole summer..... my life sucked! Well except for sneaking out when the folks took a well deserved weekend away and left their 'irresponsible, not able to drive daughter' in charge of milking their 100+ herd of dairy cattle. Oh and I was allowed to play ball and hang out in town occasionally with my group of girlfriends - as long as I reported if I left their house..... yeah, as if.

Speaking of the farm. It was over 800 acres, 100+ head milking, calves, horse (which I worked my butt off to have), a few goats, a pig or two and assorted other critters my Dad had a habit of bringing home. (once again, I wonder where I got the 'collector' habits) I worked a crappy job, which I loved by day and most days when I got off I either jumped on a tractor or found my way to the barn to milk. Yes, I complained, yes life was hard. I remember one exceptionally hot Sunday. I'd been out - at a girlfriend's in town, watching tv, helping her babysit - all the night before and Mom had picked me up bright and early so I could come home and help with the hay. Did I mention it was hot. After a long day in the blistering sun, burning to a crisp and fighting an ever present hangover, I finish the field and headed for home. I pull my big mighty Case tractor up to the fuel pumps, passing by the front veranda. On it were my two good friends - guys of course having a nice cold beer with my Dad. Nice. I was very hard done by!

Ah yes, the 70's were pretty cool. I can't say I ever want to go back - though I do kinda wish I'd hung on to all of that weird and bright clothing I had. And the rock t-shirts.... oh my, what was I thinking. Those days were certainly the foundation of who I am today. They gave me structure, want and desire. I remember graduating from high school knowing that the future held opportunities that I could not even begin to understand.

I fondly recall a high school basketball coach - he was instrumental in keeping me on the straight and not so narrow. He was my coach from grade 9 until grade 13 grad. I was one of his 'chosen kids'. He was our mentor, our guidance councilor and our friend. He taught me about perseverance and tenacity. He made me understand the meaning of fighting harder and digging deeper. He still makes me smile today and I can still see him and hear his boomy voice. Mr. 'Buggsy' Stevens (Dave to those who were not his students) passed away the summer after I graduated. I called home from a weekend away with friends camping - it was May 24th. My mom gave me the news, it was sudden. I didn't go to the wake and couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral. I always knew I was one of his 'special students' I guess I just always wanted it to remain that way.

Ahh yes, life was bitter sweet and tragic. There were days that held no rhyme or reason. But over all, it was all pretty good.

The 70's gave us so much. Besides peace, free love and assorted wicked wild experimental drugs. It gave us the right to be who we are today. The freedom of expression and speech. The pride in ourselves and our country. Life indeed was good.

Have you ever>>>>>

Have you ever done something that was just so, stupid, even you wonder what the heck was I thinking? Now I mean really stupid. Something that you just knew better.

Now think about it for a moment. Something like sticking you tongue to frozen metal - what compelling reason would you have to put your tongue on any metal regardless? Let alone at -20? How about the battery on the tongue trick... 9 volt... Yep, gives one hell of a snap doesn't it.

Oh I've got one. Electric fence. It gives you one heck of a lift. Touch something that will ground you and let me tell you from experience, it will drop you to your knees. We know what jolt an electric fencer will give off, yet guys especially feel that they need to prove something by reaching out and holding on.

Ahhh, and there is the totally brain dead, finger in the electrical outlet - I kid you not, it's been done. Just to see what happens.

Well, I committed my own act of 'just what were you thinking' this week. I paid for it today. Earlier in the week, my wiper juice was running low. Now, I have two stashes of the stuff, one in the tool shed and one in the barn.

I know the stash in the tool shed is rated for -45, but it's in the tool shed, there's no light, it's out of the way and I'm not exactly sure where the box is. On the other hand, the stash in the barn is right where I put it back in the fall. I also know that my barn stash is summer windshield fluid. I know this because way back at the beginning of winter when we had our last cold snap, I had some in my reservoir. I know it is for the summer because it crystallized in my truck, making sure I couldn't clean my windshield until it got mild again. Which by the way was later that day.

So, I run out of bug juice. Being lazy, being stupid and being just plain out to lunch.... I make the trip to the barn, retrieve the summer juice and put it in. Now hubby warns me... 'are you sure this stuff won't freeze'? 'Nah' I say, 'it won't freeze, it's okay'. I'm not sure who I thought I was fooling.... of course it is going to freeze when the temps drop. Perhaps it was just wishful. Perhaps I was in denial that the cold snap would never hit. Regardless - I was wrong.

It was -20ish last night (Celsius baby). Cold as it gets. This morning, I don't around -19c when I went to hop in the truck. I drive for about 10 minutes and then realize that my squirter is not functioning. I pull over and proceed to 'bang' the ice away from the little squirter things. I get back into the truck and poof. Nope. No juice. Back out I get, open the hood and flip the top of the reservoir.... yep, frozen. Not crystallized like before.... frozen.
Shit.

I head on into the city, trying to peek around the white smudges that cover my windshield. I pop into Canadian Tire, which btw is out of my way. I drop them eight bucks for a bottle of 'booster' and a jug of Teflon good to -45 wiper juice. Out I go. In the frigate temps, pop the hood and add the booster. Get back into the truck and try the juicer..... presto... one side is working, unfortunately not my side.

I drive onward to my meeting. Still with one side functioning. Apparently the lines to the other squirter are frozen.

I leave the meeting and by now, everything is back to being frozen... so much for booster. I head back towards home base and it takes 30 minutes of driving before the truck even thinks about warming up. Man, it's cold!

Finally, one stop and over an hour of running later, the windshield washer functionis back to working. I frantically keep it working and manage to empty all of the 'bad' fluid in preparation to add my new expensive 'Teflon' fluid. Which I do, but not until I pull up the driveway at home.

Now all of this stupidity could have been avoided. I knew that the fluid would freeze. I knew that it would cause me grief. I knew that I should walk the extra 10 steps to the tool shed. What do I do though..... take the easy way out, which in the end turns out to be a colossal pain in the butt!

Now come on. You've all done something like this... time to fess up. Did I ever tell you about the poor birch tree that my friend Tyler had cut down. The same tree that the client committed to saving. 'This is my favorite tree, it has memories, do what needs to be done to save it!'. Yeah, he knew better..... still he cut it down. Dumb ass!

Have a Hot Cherry Day and please, share with us.

Hey Johnny..... I'm Back!

Please don't tell me you didn't miss my comments, ramblings and disgust at the world in general.

It's been crazy.... yeah, yeah, it's crazy for all of us - that's what makes life so damn interesting. So, no, I'm not going to go on at great lengths about just how silly my life has gotten. I asked for it, I got it, I'll live with it and damn well love it!

Speaking of love. Hubby and I went to a post wedding, wedding reception on the weekend. You see, dear Tyler 'the trying with every bone in his body to be a landscaper' got hitched back in November. Alison (his long time girlfriend and live in) and Ty ran off to Mexico to do the deed. I guess someone ticked off the family and friends and therefore had to make it up - with of course, a stupidly expensive 'wedding reception' back in Canada.

Don't get me wrong - it was a very nice event. Well done kids! Now what the heck were you smoking that made you want to part with your hard earned doe to party with the crew of demented friends you have? (yes us included)
I just don't know why they bothered...... another trip to Mexico would have made me happier for them.

I also got even with Staples last week. Yes I did! Well sort of. I'm still stinging a bit about 'the man' and his 'I just don't give a sweet shit about you chicky' attitude.

Here's my update. I go into Staples, yes, the one in Kanata. I need printer cartridges. What can go wrong? I pick up two, because the printer we have sucks ink back. Get them back, go to install and damn it all to hell.... wrong cartridge. The box says it's the right one... There is no arguing with printers - if the cartridge doesn't fit, there is no making it fit. So, back I go.

Oh, but wait, I've forgotten something. Back to the first visit. I get my cartridges, the one the book says I need, go to the cash. The cartridges are $24.99 each. I pay for them and a few other things. The bill seems high, but I pay it.

Now, just as another aside.... a good friend says she always checks her bills because there are always errors. So, I've gotten in the habit and consequently, I'm saving myself a few bucks a week.

So, I check my bill. Well, I'll be damned. I've been charged an extra $20 bucks for the cartridges. I go over to the section, find a nice looking gentleman and ask him about the price difference. Without hesitation he says - come with me. I ask why, he says, 'we owe you some money and I'm going to make sure you get it back.' I get a refund, without having to beg, run in circles or play dead.

Okay, now stay with me.... I've just returned to exchange the cartridges.... no one around to help me. The cashiers watch me walk in with distaste and disgust. Still I get the right ones this time and head to the cash. I explain my plight to the refund girl... she looks at me skeptically and says... 'oh, okay'.

She does the exchange, which btw mean $s coming back to me, my new ones are $18.45 each. Along the way to the cash though, I pick up a $10 item. I figure I owe her money. She however says 'I need your card, your debit card, the one you paid with.... huffffff'. I dig it out, she issues the refund.... yeah baby.

I'm in shock. I exit the store and only when I'm clear, do I check my bill. Well, in all of her huff and puff, she didn't look below the top receipt of 4 stapled together and see what they were all about. Oh no, instead, she works with the top reciept which was for the initial purchase of the the over charged cartridges.

The rest is history. I will never win the battle of Staples.... but I may avoid sticking them in my finger yet.

Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day. I'll try to get back in touch with you this week.... I have so many stories saved up - it ain't funny!

Hey anyone going to see Larry the Cable Guy? I want to know about this guy... any givers?

Do you really want to know?

Okay, so I've kept you wondering. Just what did I do with respect to a computer?

I found one btw. It wasn't that hard really. What was really astonishing about the whole process was that the fellow who I made the purchase from, actually appeared interested in helping me out in my quest.

I am as guilty as the next person when it comes to making purchases. I tend towards big box stores and warehouse types fooled by the perception that less frills = low cost. Once again, my ideals have been quashed.

Large retailers so I have come to find out do not really guarantee lower prices. A friend of mine who sells beds and mattresses will reinforce this. (though, I will say, even though I have never bought anything from her, I understand from many that have, she goes the extra distance and does indeed pass huge savings along to her clients - she is also extremely successful!) Large retailers often have 'price guarantees' and 'price protection' using statements like these: 'if you find this product (small print, exact product or group of products) for a lower price anywhere, we will match that price and give you a further discount'. What they don't really tell you is that the price comparison needs to be for the exact items.... not a version different, not a similar product, not a very much the same but with this iddy bitty tiny difference. Often they use this trick when they are the only chain to carry that exact version of that exact product, so finding a comparision is impossible.

Once again, I react that way most consumers do, I assume that there are better deals to be had. This past week of computer shopping however, changed that perspective. What I found was that a smaller, independent retailer can match and often can out do the sales points for items stocked by the big retailers.

In my quest for a new system once I was completely ticked off at Staples and 'the man', I ventured down a road I don't take often - I called a smaller outfit who was referred to me. As it turned out, I should have called them a week earlier and saved myself tons of grief and aggravation.

The store I ended up calling and dealing with was Northern Micro - located in Ottawa. Thanks to Kris and his side kick Allen I got the system I needed, at a price I was happy with, without having to fight, kick or scream. I walked in, Kris showed me my options, I made the decision, Allen installed the operating system and software and I was done. The total process took less than a day. I even flipped for the non pressured extended warranty, a 1/3rd of the cost of the large retailer's warranty. The total package, and I mean total + the extended warranty, a wireless keyboard and mouse and a very nice wide screen monitor was $350 less than the comparable system at Staples.

The moral of this story? I'd say that nine times out of ten, you are better off shopping in a smaller local store vs. a large and likely US owned retailer.

Thanks Kris and crew for making my computer buying decision that much easier. Maybe next time I need to make a purchase I'll better consider my options.

Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day!

Sometimes you should just kick me!

Yeah, you read right. You know when you bitch and complain about something, yet for some reason, you keep right on subjecting yourself to more of the same. We all do it. We all need to stop it - NOW!

Last week I set out to purchase a computer for a business requirement. Not a huge task, or at least I would have thought initially. I do not need to have a top notch, extremely lightening fast, gaming type system. I need some graphics capacity, good memory, able to run a few applications at a time. I want, not need, a flat screen monitor of good proportion, a colour multi function printer, a roller mouse and we are off to the races.

I start my search as so many others do now, online. I take a look at all of the competitors who advertise broadly and try to figure out who has the best value system at the time. After many clicks and several 'huffs' I resort to the fact that I am going to need to hit the pavement as purchasing online is almost impossible. (now, if I didn't have questions and fully understood what I could and could not live with, it would have been a task for 'check out online' - but of course I couldn't keep it that easy).

So, into the mess of stores I go. Here's where the story gets going. Years ago I attempted to purchase a PDA from Staples. I went to the Kanata Ontario store, spoke with a 'peripheral specialist' and was prepared to make the buying decision. With one catch. I wanted to actually see what the screen of this new PDA looked like (it was a featured Staples special, my VP at the time was covering the cost of it for me (sales incentive) and I needed to purchase from Staples (company arrangement)). The 'specialist' however could not allow this. You see, none of the PDA were charged and ready to view. In fact, none that were on special were even on display.

Now, I thought this odd and I also thought my request was within keeping. Oh no. 'We can't have an open box' says the clerk. 'But I'm not buying it without seeing the thing, what if I take it home, charge it up and hate the screen, then what, can I bring it back for a full refund?' 'Oh, no' says the clerk, 'we only give credit notes on opened handheld electronics products'. 'Oh yeah' I says..... I leave the store, call the manager to complain. In return I get a voice mail: ' Sorry you feel the way you do, we don't have a floor unit, this is our policy, when would you like to come in and pick up your PDA?'

I bought a PDA from Staples that time, but not from the Kanata store. My next trip to the pain in the butt store was for office supplies and for a multi function printer, fax etc. It was a no brainer, there was one in stock, I picked up the box (which was open and got an open box discount!) and left. No one so much as attempted to help me and given my experience, I did not care.

Fast forward to last week - now that you have my 'Staples Kanata' background. So..... I was shopping for a computer system. I'd done all the research, but still hadn't settled on a system. The one hinge was the printer - so many questions that I couldn't be answered online. I'm off to do in store shopping and make the purchase.

Against my better judgment, I enter Staples Kanata. I walk over to 'the man' and proceed to ask, 'Sir, what is your best value for a complete computer system right now?' 'the man' gets a flyer, hims and haws and says 'this one'. I says, 'humm, what does it come with?' 'Comes complete'. 'Hummmm' I says, 'printer/fax/multi function'? 'No, no fax, that'll be $75 extra, plus you loose the rebate'.

After further discussion on the necessity of a fax, cost of replacement cartridges etc. I decide I can go without a stand alone fax and ask 'the man', 'what is the total cost, tax included and is there anything else I will need to add to the cost or system to have word-processing, spreadsheets etc?' 'the man' says 'the total cost is $850 plus taxes, complete, walk out, no extra charges... oh, expect for a $30 USB cable.' I then ask ' how many do you have in stock (5:00pm) now and do you anticipate them all being sold tonight?' 'the man' says, 'I have nine complete systems and I will likely have them all tomorrow'.

I leave the store as I still need to shop one other location. Fast forward to the next day.

I decide that Staples has the best bang for the buck, even though 'the man' is not the most informed or friendly person I've ever met, I return to the store to buy the system. It is 11am the next day.

In the door I walk and I ask for 'the man', 'he's over there'. Off I go. I walk up and say, 'hello 'the man'. He looks at me like I'm from mars when I tell him I was in last night at 5pm and spoke to him and that he told me that he had nine systems in stock and that I'd like one of them. Not only does he not have any recall, he says, I didn't tell you that we had nine system, we are sold out. I'm floored.

'The man' does tell me to follow him as he checks to see if he can order more. He can. Now I'm a bit pissed and feeling like I should walk out the door when I ask the fatal question. 'Now, 'the man', do I need to purchase any other items, is it a fully functional system right? with MS office? and an operating system installed? - correct?'

Have a seat now! 'the man' says, (with a ton of disgust), 'It doesn't come with an operating system or Office - that's $500 extra.' WTF!!!!! I'm floored. I can barely speak. 'What do you mean, you said last night that the price you gave me was complete, not that I needed to pay all of this'. 'the man' looks me square in the eye and says, 'I didn't say that, that would be stupid, EVERYONE charges extra for operating systems and Office'. He adds the disgusted look to boot as I tell him.....'the man', 'thanks, but no thanks, you did tell me, now you've changed it, others do include it, $500 is excessive and at that rate, his good deal falls to one of the worst, out the door I go.

I'm still a wee bit pissed. What did I do about that computer system that created all the kuffle? Ah, that's another story!
Have a Hot Cherry Week.

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BUNCHA PERVS!!!


Ahhhhhhh the Holidays...a time of overindulgence..it's all wonderful. I am a true hedonist. I don't deny myself any pleasures. Actually, I lack that little ' Jiminy Cricket ' voice in my head that says.." whooooooa girl....you don't need another drink..or...heyyyyy, honey...that's your 3rd serving of pie...or...Listen Lady...you need to stop laughing..it's not funny...you're at a funeral ." Remember that scene in Charlotte's Web where Templeton the Rat goes to the County Fair and he's rolling in the cotton candy and licking all the discarded candy wrappers and he has that little rodent look of bliss on his face....I can totally relate.

So...on Christmas Day...I was tipping back mimosas all morning...champagne and chambord all afternoon...and chenin blanc followed by Bailey's all evening..basically...I was pinned by midnight.

There are a few things that you should never do when you're drunk

1. never drink and drive
2. never drink and sign into S&M chatrooms thinking it will be a hoot...these people have no sense of humour.
3. never attempt to create a homemade dildo using your husbands penis as a template.

Okay so....a few weeks before Christmas I was perusing my local Sex Shoppe ( doesn't it look so much more fancy when you add the e on the end of shop? ) And I stumbled across this really cool kit

CloneAWilly

naturally...I had to buy it..I figured, what a terrific way to celebrate the birth of Christ! Clone my husbands willy!! ( yeahyeah I know ...I'm going to Hell )

So...at 1am Christmas night..I decide..this is the BEST time to do this..I stagger to my closet, where the kit was hidden, and present this ' stocking stuffer ' to my husband...I was about to tell him how I thought it would be fun and when I turned around to see his reaction I noticed he was completely naked and prying off the cap with his teeth. no encouragement was required. go figure.

If you clicked on the link...and read anything about the Clone-a-Willy..you will see that it says..JUST ADD WATER..sounds easy enough..even an inebriated blonde at 1am should be able to do that blindfolded. Pffffftttt......it was so NOT that easy...yeah sure I needed water...and a SMALL list of other household items.

1. marker or pen
2. scissors
3. large mixing bowl
4. thermometer ( provided )
5. measuring cups
6. stopwatch
7. duct tape
8. cock ring

Took me an hour to round that stuff up...couldn't find an intact cock ring..substituted an elastic band that was securing a head of broccoli in my fridge..

my husband..whom I might add has done NOTHING to help me, is now laughing as he's watching me set up the Chemistry Lab in what was once our bedroom. The only thing missing was a freaking bunsen burner and litmus paper and it would have looked exactly like Mr Butler's 9th grade science class.

Now the last nightcap has hit me hard...but of course..I decide to have another...because reading the instructions with one eye closed just wasn't challenging enough I guess. And this is where the fun begins..

The directions say...and I am only going by a rather fuzzy memory because I tossed the instruction sheet...but it goes something like this.

1. Ensure that the penis to be cloned is fully erect..at it's maximum erectedness..and begin mixing molding gel with water...water HAS TO BE AT exactly 98 degrees..stir mixing gel and water *WARNING*...YOU HAVE 2 minutes from the beginning of mixing to the insertion of ubererect penis or the entire process goes to HELL...start your stopwatch!!! mix with right hand...use left hand to ensure ' maximum erection level' has been maintained...THE CLOCK IS TICKING HERE...pour the gel into the cylinder that has been taped off on one end with duct tape..TICK TOCK TICK TOCK...!!!

2. Immediately plunge erect penis into gel filled cylinder and ensure that the owner of erect penis is aware that he has to stay THAT ERECT for 2 minutes or once again the entire thing goes to HELL. yelling at him to KEEP IT UP at this point can be counterproductive.

3. Ensure that you do this in a bathtub because they fail to tell you that when you slap the cylinder on the erect penis...a whole lot of the mixing gel floods out and pours all over the carpet..and it DOESN'T come out of the carpet...like EVER. ( if I was sober I may have reasoned that this spillage could have occurred )

4. after 2 minutes...TICK TOCK TICK TOCK!!! remove the cylinder SLOWLY...hahaha!! it wasn't that easy at all...it had formed some sort of impenetrable suction device...I don't even think light could escape...my husband..who was all a grinning through the entire process...suddenly looked worried...I of course laugh my ass off because as I mentioned earlier...I don't have the Jiminy Cricket voice in my head...

5. let mold dry....FOR a FEW HOURS...( damn...okay that alright.. what's a few hours..it's already 5:30 am )have another drink ..or 2....or 7...

6. IT'S TIME!!!!! now prepare the liquid rubber mold...and pour it in to the hardened pre mold and allow to set for ....WHAT??? TWENTY FOUR FREAKING HOURS??? 24 hours?? get out of here!!! I want IT NOW...24 hours..sheesh....

As it stood....the 24 hour wait wasn't a bad thing...I threw up for close to 16 of the 24 hours so I had something to do whilst I waited for my masterpiece. I wasn't feeling quite up to unmolding the next day...so I actually waited an additional 24 hours until I felt a wee bit more...ummmm....human again...BIG MISTAKE...the mold SHRINKS quite abit after the first 24 hours....like ALOT...

The unveiling was intense... so much hard work ( no pun intended ) and now it was time for the big reveal ...I was banking on it looking exactly like one of the beautiful johnsons in the Gallery


it didn't unmold well...actually..it didn't really unmold at all...I had to shove my toothbrush handle in the end and kinda 'crowbar' it out. ...it looked like some 'shrunken penis witch doctor 'created this..I have NEVER even seen a cock that is THIS colour?? It actually had a hump in it....kinda like Quasimotopenis.. when I showed my husband...he instantly denied it...stabbing his finger at it and sounding like Bill Clinton...." That is certainly not my cock, I had nothing to do with the creation of THAT penis, what the hell did you do..put it away!!!"

I was laughing too hard to care that I dumped close to $ 70.00 on this thing.

I think I'll keep it...just because I love the look on my husbands face when he sees it...all mortified and pinched.

How to hide the extra Christmas cookie pounds

There are days when multi-media fluffy info bothers me. There are other days however, that I just like to shut my mind down and allow the flow of senseless information in. You guessed it, today is one of those days.

So, in honor of the 'I have so little energy to care' day (which btw, I know 98% of us are suffering from today) this is what I've found for you. Grab a tea or being a true Hot Cherry Chick - a glass of wine, put your feet up and prepared to be filled with details that likely will make no difference to you.

According to 'Good Housekeeping' (okay, who in this day in age has much time to worry about how to keep a better house, I would have thought an update of brand might be a good idea) here are 6 ways to look thinner:
1) wear a suit it makes you look thinner, but only if the jacket is fitted and the pants are straight (so much for updates in fashion styling)
2) cover up you flabby middle with a poncho or a tunic, they are designed to cover!
3) make sure your bag is large enough - one that is too small will make you look bigger. OMG, need I say anything more on this one?
4) emphasize your assets - wear a substantial fabric skirt that hide heavy thunder thighs and shows off pretty, elegant calves - I just don't buy it.
5) when you dress up, opt for the two piece separates vs the gown - better fit is the result. No kidding, now how do two pieces that emphasize my not so tiny waist offer slimming qualities?
6) distract with details, a ruffled neck or plunging takes the mind off of the other areas that are not so good. Don't we call this smoke and mirrors..... this isn't a slimming trick, it is what it is, a diversion.

Hey wait, I've found some more, this from a forum contributor:

"Trendy People: People with no sense of style, who will wear anything (flattering or not) because some catchy advertisement told them it was cool, and the mannequin in the store front was wearing it! Generally the kind of people who get excited when the store clerk tells them that "that item is selling like crazy", while they are looking at it.

Stylish People: People who express their individuality through the clothes that they choose to wear, regardless of what the latest advertisements are dictating to be "cool" for the moment. Whether they choose flattering or interesting outfits, these people usually find a way to determine what trends to buy into and what ones to avoid. And, they may wear the "latest trend" for a decade and still make it look good. Also, they are generally the kind of people who leave the store quickly when the store clerk says "that item is selling like crazy"."

I also found an article on how to apply a self tanner to look thinner..... if anyone wants to know more, let me know and I'll forward it to you.

So, for all you Hot Cherry Chicks who are dragging your butts this week, wondering what happened to the 'holiday' in Christmas.... the week is almost over, hang in there!

We're back!

Happy New Year all! It has been a while, feels like forever, wow - I've missed ya all.

FYI - the holidays were good. A wee bit too busy though. In other words, not much down time, in fact, no down time - wow, no wonder I am not that fond of them. I am continually reminded of how much stress the 'season' puts on everyone. There are few who escape it. Hustling and bustling around, like chickens sans heads, running off to jump in the boiling pot of water and become part of the stew..... ahh, thank goodness it is over!

Now we have yet another new year... the last one blew past, gone, in a puff of smoke. Similar to the cigars I used to smoke. I'm reminded of all of the trials and tribulations of the past year. Hubby has a saying - 'what does not kill you only makes you stronger' (yeah, he borrowed it, but it is better than, 'quicker than a fat kid on a tricycle' -don't ask me, I don't know). Well, I'm not dead but I'm not sure how much stronger I am either. I guess only time will tell.

I walked back into the gym today - yes one of the millions across North America who took a look at themselves in the mirror and just about had a heart attack. Now I'm a pretty dedicated gym attendee. I actually love to go there, work out and hide from predators and hubby for a bit. The holidays being what they are though, left me severely short on time and energy. So yeah, I slacked off.... really slacked off as a matter of fact. 'Ah, a couple of weeks out of the gym won't kill me'. Nope, that's for sure.... but the snacking instead of exercising sure will!

So, today was 'full gym day'. Many of the same ole same ole were there, but there were plenty of giggly post Christmas newbies as well. Now, let me be the first one to tell you how much I applaud folks for going to the gym. I don't care what shape you are, everyone can benefit from some form of regular exercise. Be that to slim down, better a heart rate or simply to distress - it is always a win/win situation. Back to me - so, I went, I conquered, I promised to be true (again) I worked out, watched Dr. Phil and a wee bit of Oprah... and left. Content that I was doing something for both my body and soul.

This whole story really is not about the gym so much as it is about the parking lot at the gym. Wow, crazy. Not only at the gym though (which is notorious for being busy, lacking spaces and easy navigation) every parking lot was the same. Crowded, busy, full of 'lost their minds' crazy (aka crazed) drivers. I'm not sure where everyone was headed in such a rush. Certainly there were no left over turkey sales that I saw at least. The stores had pretty much put away all of their discounted decorations (I know this because I spent 1/2 the day trying to find clear mini lights) and surely everyone had returned their 'nope doesn't fit, nope don't like it, nope - just what were you thinking gifts'. What the panic was all about, I will likely never know.

I backed into a shopping cart today too. No damage to either the truck or it. Though there was some strong cursing coming from the driver. Now the only reason I backed into a shopping cart in the first place was because idiot mittens, in the gold Intrepid, was getting impatient. I could hear him breathing heavy and complaining to his wife from inside of my truck - that's how bad it was. So in an attempt to make him happy, I backed up quickly... sending the shopping cart leaping up the curb.

I was in Walmart today too. I was very, very frightened. I remember when we first got a Walmart in our city several years ago. Service was wicked. Everyone was nice, informed and willing to help. Oh what a difference a few years make.

I made my first Wally world stop today looking for Christmas lights. The store had a few small shelves with Christmas gear, but no lights. So, I go up to the 'friendly, happy, greeter' to inquire if I should be looking in a different place. After he takes me to where I was just standing (wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to tell him I'd already been there and there were none) - confused himself, he says 'I'll ask the assistant manager, over there, he'll know'... 'Walter... you know if there are any more Christmas lights anywhere?' Yelling back Walter says 'Bill, how the heck am I supposed to know?' I left the store immediately. Damn, if the Assistant manager doesn't know, who would. (I ran!)

I made a few more stops in search of the lights, battled nasty people, in nasty little cars, all looking like something had ticked them off = maybe the met Walter and Bill? My next stop yields me no return either. In fact the nice little sales clerk, looked at me like I'd just been rolling around in pudding and says 'no, everything is packed away and we can't get it out for you, next year'. I ran from here too!

Next it was to another Walmart - still no luck. Simply no lights, anywhere. Oh, yeah just for the record. I don't shop at Walmart and I'm okay with that. I prefer to give my cash to Canadian based companies when ever possible. When it is not, I like to pick the 'less evil' over Walmart. It took great restraint to walk out of Wally world without buying something... there is just so much cheap, un-required, shinny, bobbley junk.... I ran from the temptation!

My last stop was at a grocery store on the way home. Bingo... lights baby! I bought them all. White lights are my friend.

The parking lots btw, didn't get any better. Nor did the crazed drivers on the way home.

There are so many stories we need to share with you - keep your eyes open for a few gut splitting funny till you cry blogs from Shaken not Stirred - you won't be disappointed!

Oh, and before I forget and leave you wondering... what the heck.... The pictures - can't you just see me, drinking rum on the beach, watching the world go by? Exactly. Perfect.

In the meantime, Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day.
Welcome to a new year..... may it bring you joy, happiness and allow you to 'put smiles on faces'!

Tis the season

Tis the time of year when most of us just wish our brains could go to mush. There's always too much to think about, worry about, concern ourselves about. So, how about a mindless, likley way off the mark quiz? We found this one today for your enjoyment -
Find out whether you're naughty or nice with these 10 questions
by Heather Camlot (canadianliving.com)

You're caring and compassionate, you like to have fun, you've even been known to shower a gift or two on your spouse. While all those things might make you a good person and a great catch, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a good partner -- especially if you're the only one in the relationship having fun, or you only offer gifts after a big, unresolved argument. What does it take to be a good partner? Try our quiz to find out.

1. You and your spouse argue over (enter topic here) and don't resolve it before bedtime. You:
a) Say good night, even though you're still upset
b) Sleep in another room
c) Stew and don't get any sleep
d) Wait until your partner is almost asleep and bring up the argument again

What you should do:
a) Say good night, even though you're still upset
That advice your mom gave on your wedding day still rings true -- don't go to bed angry. Anger eats a person up, no doubt, and when it festers, discussing the initial problem becomes harder. You don't have to resolve the issue right away -- you can sleep on it -- but you do have to let your partner know that you still love him or her.

2. You train with your partner for a marathon. He qualifies, you don't. You:
a) Wallow in self-pity
b) Ask him to wait until you both qualify
c) Cheer him on
d) Sabotage his efforts

What you should do:
c) Cheer him on
Guess what? Marriage isn't a contest. Sure, you may sometimes be a bit jealous of your partner's success, and you shouldn't deny your feelings, but you also have to remember that your partner's drive is probably what attracted you to him or her to begin with. "There is no trophy for bettering your partner," writes David Niven, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships. "The real prize goes to those who refuse to compete with their partner. That prize is contentment and a more satisfying relationship."

3. You are most like:
a) Lorelai with Christopher on Gilmore Girls: What you say goes
b) Laura with Rob on The Dick Van Dyke Show: You talk things out
c) Archie with Edith on All in the Family: You're right, everyone else is wrong
d) Marie with Frank on Everybody Loves Raymond: You're good, he's evil

Who's got it right?
b) Laura with Rob on The Dick Van Dyke Show: You talk things out.
Whatever happened to those loving TV couples? Whether art imitates life or life imitates art, one thing is clear -- Laura and Rob had an understanding and inspirational marriage. Why? Because whenever they had a disagreement, they sought a resolution and then laughed about it. They were never out to win, to be proven right or to be the "good" one. As psychotherapist David Richo writes in his book How To Be An Adult in Relationships, "We are not working individually for the ascendancy of our own positions. We work together for the health and happiness of the relationship."

4. After a disagreement, your partner feels:
a) Belittled
b) Disappointed
c) Respected
d) Stabbed in the back

Your partner should feel:
c) Respected
If you think back to all those disagreements, chances are it's not the topic you remember but how you felt afterward. If you want to maintain a loving, long-term relationship, you have to respect your partner's opinion. You don't have to agree with it, but you do have to listen and try to understand. Arguments come and go, but feelings last forever.

5. After a long day at work, you:
a) Work more at home
b) Go for drinks with colleagues
c) Hang with your kids, BlackBerry in hand
d) Recap your day and listen to that of your partner's

Partners that are good communicators usually:
d) Recap the day and listen to that of their partner's
A relationship requires two people. If one of those people is continually lonely because the other works long hours, goes out with friends more often than not or is physically present but mentally away, then there is no relationship, only two beings living in the same home. If you're causing your partner to feel alone, it's time to reexamine your relationship and the meaning of commitment.

6. When you get stressed you tend to:
a) Talk it out with your partner
b) Take it out on your partner
c) Go to the pub
d) Go for a run

You should try to:
a) Talk it out with your partner
Stress can be triggered by any number of issues. But you don't have to deal with it alone. Talking to your partner should be your first tactic -- he or she may have a solution you haven't thought about or be able put the situation into perspective. If you can't speak to your partner, try some outside help. If you need some time alone, that's fine, too, as long as you're not running away from the problem -- and toward the bottle.

7. One of your kids has been throwing up at school and needs to be picked up. You:
a) Call your partner so he or she can take the sick day from work
b) Call your mom -- again
c) Call a taxi to pick up your child
d) Remember that it's your turn to deal with emergencies and head to the school

The fair thing to do is:
d) Remember that it's your turn to deal with emergencies and head to the school
"One of the most common sources of conflict in a marriage is that both partners assume that a given task will be done by the other person," writes Greg Baer, author of Real Love in Marriage. "When that expectation isn't filled, disappointment and irritation inevitably follow." Both partners must be equally committed to a relationship -- and that includes picking up the kids, preparing meals and folding the laundry. Figure out a schedule and a division of labour that suits you both.

8. You've both been working crazy hours and finally have a chance to spend some time together. You:
a) Watch TV while your partner reads a book -- in the same room, of course
b) Tag along with whatever your partner wants to do
c) Hit the movie theatre to catch the movie you've both been dying to see
d) Clean the house -- together

Next time, try to:
c) Hit the movie theatre to catch the movie you've both been dying to see
As mentioned, spending time together fosters a positive relationship. Now, the question is, what do you do during that together time? Something that interests you both. "It is so important that people look for, or develop, common interests in their relationships," writes Niven. "Common interests encourage positive communication and fun, and they strengthen the sense of connection between partners."

9. A strong relationship needs:
a) Friends to turn to for advice
b) A sense of humour
c) A fairy-tale model
d) A stiff drink

Which of these should top your list?
b) A sense of humour
Of course you value your friends' advice, but remember that the advice is based on their experiences, not yours. Fairy tales may have some value in the search for love, but they don't tend to show you what happens after the guy and the girl hook up -- you know, how to deal with those 2 a.m. feedings, who's going to take out the garbage and, most importantly, what to do when you feel the relationship is crumbling. And drinking, well, you know heavy alcohol consumption reduces the chances of maintaining a healthy relationship. But a little bit of humour goes a long way in diffusing tense situations and brightening an otherwise dreary day.

10. Your relationship's theme song could be:
a) Black Eyed Peas -- "Shut up"
b) Elton John -- "Saturday night's all right for fighting"
c) Evanescence -- "Call me when you're sober"
d) Nat King Cole -- "Our love is here to stay"

So what's the best pick for a couple in love?
d) Nat King Cole's "Our love is here to stay"
Roman poet Virgil knew what he was talking about: Love really does conquer all!