I'm not sure what it is about the Christmas season that brings out both the worst and best in people. On one hand I know that the stress associated with this 'giving' season stretches folks both financially and emotionally - but so much more goes unexplained.

Here is one that I have been exposed to, simply because of what we do here at Hot Cherry Review (and our other assorted ventures) - the stress on couples. For whatever reason, almost complete strangers feel comfortable in voicing their concerns and lamenting the existence of their relationships with us. Others perhaps just take that licence - in either case, I am never offended or put off.

One would think that this time of year would bring couples closer, this is not always the case - or so I have been told. Apart from the very understandable stresses put on individual parties of the coupled relationship - parents/family visiting, needing to add to an already burdened schedule, the cost of the holidays financially, the desire to please, the want to have the season's trappings equal or exceed the previous year's and finally the desire to look one's best (skinny, pulled together, perfect hair and clothes) - it is understandable how individuals can feel frenzied.

Wait there is more. With the holiday season comes business functions, office parties, client lunches - opportunities to network at a more relaxed level. An opportunity to see 'work related' contacts in a whole different light.

So you say, though these items surely can play havoc on the individual, how do they effect the couple? Here's a scenario for you: Both members of the coupled relationship attend a 'work related function'. The night previous they were at each other's throat for what normally would be day to day chores, but instead of a quiet discussion on who was going to pick up the kids the next night, they had a full blown fight on their hands. They went to bed feeling used, disrespected, un-cared for. The next morning they get up, do the rush till you drop and then run out of the door, hop in their cars and speed off to work. On the way he spills coffee down his white shirt, she snags her nylon - all dealt with on a normal day, but today isn't normal is it. Noon rolls around, each of them are out of their offices running errands, shopping, feeling out of control. 4pm comes around and they are off to their festive work gathering - time to unwind, forget about home, kids and spouse - they deserve this time to themselves, with people who 'understand them'.

This is where the damage begins. The very handsome, smiling 'guy' from the office down the hall seems to be paying attention to 'her' a bit more tonight - he's mentioned how great she looks, he loves how she is wearing her hair, and 'is that a new dress?'. Wow, that's a complement she thinks... about something her partner didn't even notice. Meanwhile across town, the same thing (though with the cute red head from the administrator's office) is happening - he is feeling younger, in shape, essentially like he did when he and his wife met.....

Both feeling unloved, unregarded, unappreciated at home, they leap at the chance to feel better, feel sexy, feel desirable. Now, we're not saying that this is a bad thing, everyone needs to feel this way, without question. What we are saying is that it doesn't have to be this way.

Recently a chap told me that he was at ends with his wife on a bunch of fronts - no affections, all routine, so much stress, no sex, what did I think he should do about it. First I congratulated him on taking responsibility - even though it was clear that he hadn't and didn't think he owned that right - 'you've clearly realized that there is a breakdown in your relationship, now you just need to work on making it better' said I. Once again, not the answer he wanted. The words out of his mouth next were interesting - 'but you don't get it, I want sex, she doesn't, it's not my problem, it's hers'. Ah no big boy - it is 'both of your problems'.

At this point I have to give it to this guy, instead of walking away, he stood and took what I had to give. So I explained. Unless he had done everything in his power to fortify the relationship, induce excitement, spontaneity and connection, he could not blame the lack of sizzle on his wife - he hadn't done his job either. His one last argument was 'well, others find me attractive, funny, kinda hot (left overs from the work party), but she's too busy with the kids, her job, running around getting ready for her Mom coming to town, to notice I even exist, what am I supposed to do, dance naked in the kitchen to get her to notice me?' And what did I say? 'Yeah that's what you do!' Get involved in your relationship, add the fun back in, dance naked in the kitchen and all the way to the bedroom.

Now the same can of course go for women who are feeling that their husbands just don't care. So many speak about their unfulfilled relationships at home, but so few want to take the steps or put the effort in to turn their lives in a whole new direction.

I know you just need to know.... do we dance naked in the kitchen? let me put it this way... if you don't call before you come up our driveway to give us a warning, we can't be responsible for what you might see :)

Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day! Please take some time for yourself, for your partner through this really crazy time of year.