Nah na, nah, nah, nahha, hey, hey hey......

Yeah, I don't know..... I read somewhere that when you endeavor to write, it is always best to write down what first comes to mind. Do you at least remember the song?

What made me think of it was simply a connection between the 10 vintage rock t-shirts I took into my possessions this afternoon and a true rock anthem. This brings me to my question of the day. Why is it so damn hard to get guys to part with their vintage rock t-shirts in the first place. Don't look to me for the answer, well other than, they hold memories - if you know how to get them out of their clutches though, please do let me know.

Here's another blast from the past. I've taken the notion that I would like to locate a bit of memorable from my youth. An vintage 'rain lamp'. They were either on the table in the living room or hanging in a corner. Made of brass with some sort of figurine in the centre. The heat of the light bulb warmed the oil which moved from one reservoir to another via dripping down a set of beads, into the base and being pumped back up. The lamps were never really a thing of beauty, but many people had them. I believe most of them hailed from the 50's as my memory would have been when I was in my early teens.

So, I am seeking a 'rain lamp', hopefully functioning. If anyone knows where I can get one - the real kind not the late '80's early 90's reproductions, kindly let me know.

Another quest high on my list is funky hanging lamps. Yep, right out of the 60's and 70's. Orange, blue, green globes, hanging from golden chains. They need to be glass though, not the plastic type. Oh and chairs. Big ole tulip chairs in all kinds of bright garish colours. Send them my way.

Now I know that most people find this retro stuff just pure junk and frankly, I bank on that. I was never a real fan of furniture when I was younger, it is a later in life thing. I did however have the most outrageous bedroom as a teenager. Bright purple with huge purple flower wall paper. I had a huge room too. Complete with a 'stereo corner' and a 'work area'. A double closet that you could never get the door closed on. You know the kind - hell you all had them. Oh and the best - purple shag carpet! My room rocked.

Come to think of it, the 70's pretty much rocked too. Yeah it was high school, there were always issues, always reasons to panic, but you know, looking back, life was good. As a kid I never wanted for much. My family worked on the basic principals - earn your way. I always thought we were hard done by, needless to say, I was delusional. As a teen I worked on the family farm and in town at the local (and only for 30+ miles) Canadian Tire.

My girlfriend got me the job, in the paint department. It helped too that a guy she was dating, was the owner's son. I worked after school and full time once I was out of school for the summer. My first year at the CTC was also the first summer that I had my driver's license and was able to drive on my own. With Daddy's car, which of course I abused the privilege of having. (after I took it to my ball game, headed off to 'party' with the group - yes with the boys - and 'forgot' to make it home)

My Dad was very fond of taking away privileges - he took away the right to drive. Grounded, I went to and from work and to and from the barn - for a whole summer..... my life sucked! Well except for sneaking out when the folks took a well deserved weekend away and left their 'irresponsible, not able to drive daughter' in charge of milking their 100+ herd of dairy cattle. Oh and I was allowed to play ball and hang out in town occasionally with my group of girlfriends - as long as I reported if I left their house..... yeah, as if.

Speaking of the farm. It was over 800 acres, 100+ head milking, calves, horse (which I worked my butt off to have), a few goats, a pig or two and assorted other critters my Dad had a habit of bringing home. (once again, I wonder where I got the 'collector' habits) I worked a crappy job, which I loved by day and most days when I got off I either jumped on a tractor or found my way to the barn to milk. Yes, I complained, yes life was hard. I remember one exceptionally hot Sunday. I'd been out - at a girlfriend's in town, watching tv, helping her babysit - all the night before and Mom had picked me up bright and early so I could come home and help with the hay. Did I mention it was hot. After a long day in the blistering sun, burning to a crisp and fighting an ever present hangover, I finish the field and headed for home. I pull my big mighty Case tractor up to the fuel pumps, passing by the front veranda. On it were my two good friends - guys of course having a nice cold beer with my Dad. Nice. I was very hard done by!

Ah yes, the 70's were pretty cool. I can't say I ever want to go back - though I do kinda wish I'd hung on to all of that weird and bright clothing I had. And the rock t-shirts.... oh my, what was I thinking. Those days were certainly the foundation of who I am today. They gave me structure, want and desire. I remember graduating from high school knowing that the future held opportunities that I could not even begin to understand.

I fondly recall a high school basketball coach - he was instrumental in keeping me on the straight and not so narrow. He was my coach from grade 9 until grade 13 grad. I was one of his 'chosen kids'. He was our mentor, our guidance councilor and our friend. He taught me about perseverance and tenacity. He made me understand the meaning of fighting harder and digging deeper. He still makes me smile today and I can still see him and hear his boomy voice. Mr. 'Buggsy' Stevens (Dave to those who were not his students) passed away the summer after I graduated. I called home from a weekend away with friends camping - it was May 24th. My mom gave me the news, it was sudden. I didn't go to the wake and couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral. I always knew I was one of his 'special students' I guess I just always wanted it to remain that way.

Ahh yes, life was bitter sweet and tragic. There were days that held no rhyme or reason. But over all, it was all pretty good.

The 70's gave us so much. Besides peace, free love and assorted wicked wild experimental drugs. It gave us the right to be who we are today. The freedom of expression and speech. The pride in ourselves and our country. Life indeed was good.

Have you ever>>>>>

Have you ever done something that was just so, stupid, even you wonder what the heck was I thinking? Now I mean really stupid. Something that you just knew better.

Now think about it for a moment. Something like sticking you tongue to frozen metal - what compelling reason would you have to put your tongue on any metal regardless? Let alone at -20? How about the battery on the tongue trick... 9 volt... Yep, gives one hell of a snap doesn't it.

Oh I've got one. Electric fence. It gives you one heck of a lift. Touch something that will ground you and let me tell you from experience, it will drop you to your knees. We know what jolt an electric fencer will give off, yet guys especially feel that they need to prove something by reaching out and holding on.

Ahhh, and there is the totally brain dead, finger in the electrical outlet - I kid you not, it's been done. Just to see what happens.

Well, I committed my own act of 'just what were you thinking' this week. I paid for it today. Earlier in the week, my wiper juice was running low. Now, I have two stashes of the stuff, one in the tool shed and one in the barn.

I know the stash in the tool shed is rated for -45, but it's in the tool shed, there's no light, it's out of the way and I'm not exactly sure where the box is. On the other hand, the stash in the barn is right where I put it back in the fall. I also know that my barn stash is summer windshield fluid. I know this because way back at the beginning of winter when we had our last cold snap, I had some in my reservoir. I know it is for the summer because it crystallized in my truck, making sure I couldn't clean my windshield until it got mild again. Which by the way was later that day.

So, I run out of bug juice. Being lazy, being stupid and being just plain out to lunch.... I make the trip to the barn, retrieve the summer juice and put it in. Now hubby warns me... 'are you sure this stuff won't freeze'? 'Nah' I say, 'it won't freeze, it's okay'. I'm not sure who I thought I was fooling.... of course it is going to freeze when the temps drop. Perhaps it was just wishful. Perhaps I was in denial that the cold snap would never hit. Regardless - I was wrong.

It was -20ish last night (Celsius baby). Cold as it gets. This morning, I don't around -19c when I went to hop in the truck. I drive for about 10 minutes and then realize that my squirter is not functioning. I pull over and proceed to 'bang' the ice away from the little squirter things. I get back into the truck and poof. Nope. No juice. Back out I get, open the hood and flip the top of the reservoir.... yep, frozen. Not crystallized like before.... frozen.
Shit.

I head on into the city, trying to peek around the white smudges that cover my windshield. I pop into Canadian Tire, which btw is out of my way. I drop them eight bucks for a bottle of 'booster' and a jug of Teflon good to -45 wiper juice. Out I go. In the frigate temps, pop the hood and add the booster. Get back into the truck and try the juicer..... presto... one side is working, unfortunately not my side.

I drive onward to my meeting. Still with one side functioning. Apparently the lines to the other squirter are frozen.

I leave the meeting and by now, everything is back to being frozen... so much for booster. I head back towards home base and it takes 30 minutes of driving before the truck even thinks about warming up. Man, it's cold!

Finally, one stop and over an hour of running later, the windshield washer functionis back to working. I frantically keep it working and manage to empty all of the 'bad' fluid in preparation to add my new expensive 'Teflon' fluid. Which I do, but not until I pull up the driveway at home.

Now all of this stupidity could have been avoided. I knew that the fluid would freeze. I knew that it would cause me grief. I knew that I should walk the extra 10 steps to the tool shed. What do I do though..... take the easy way out, which in the end turns out to be a colossal pain in the butt!

Now come on. You've all done something like this... time to fess up. Did I ever tell you about the poor birch tree that my friend Tyler had cut down. The same tree that the client committed to saving. 'This is my favorite tree, it has memories, do what needs to be done to save it!'. Yeah, he knew better..... still he cut it down. Dumb ass!

Have a Hot Cherry Day and please, share with us.

Hey Johnny..... I'm Back!

Please don't tell me you didn't miss my comments, ramblings and disgust at the world in general.

It's been crazy.... yeah, yeah, it's crazy for all of us - that's what makes life so damn interesting. So, no, I'm not going to go on at great lengths about just how silly my life has gotten. I asked for it, I got it, I'll live with it and damn well love it!

Speaking of love. Hubby and I went to a post wedding, wedding reception on the weekend. You see, dear Tyler 'the trying with every bone in his body to be a landscaper' got hitched back in November. Alison (his long time girlfriend and live in) and Ty ran off to Mexico to do the deed. I guess someone ticked off the family and friends and therefore had to make it up - with of course, a stupidly expensive 'wedding reception' back in Canada.

Don't get me wrong - it was a very nice event. Well done kids! Now what the heck were you smoking that made you want to part with your hard earned doe to party with the crew of demented friends you have? (yes us included)
I just don't know why they bothered...... another trip to Mexico would have made me happier for them.

I also got even with Staples last week. Yes I did! Well sort of. I'm still stinging a bit about 'the man' and his 'I just don't give a sweet shit about you chicky' attitude.

Here's my update. I go into Staples, yes, the one in Kanata. I need printer cartridges. What can go wrong? I pick up two, because the printer we have sucks ink back. Get them back, go to install and damn it all to hell.... wrong cartridge. The box says it's the right one... There is no arguing with printers - if the cartridge doesn't fit, there is no making it fit. So, back I go.

Oh, but wait, I've forgotten something. Back to the first visit. I get my cartridges, the one the book says I need, go to the cash. The cartridges are $24.99 each. I pay for them and a few other things. The bill seems high, but I pay it.

Now, just as another aside.... a good friend says she always checks her bills because there are always errors. So, I've gotten in the habit and consequently, I'm saving myself a few bucks a week.

So, I check my bill. Well, I'll be damned. I've been charged an extra $20 bucks for the cartridges. I go over to the section, find a nice looking gentleman and ask him about the price difference. Without hesitation he says - come with me. I ask why, he says, 'we owe you some money and I'm going to make sure you get it back.' I get a refund, without having to beg, run in circles or play dead.

Okay, now stay with me.... I've just returned to exchange the cartridges.... no one around to help me. The cashiers watch me walk in with distaste and disgust. Still I get the right ones this time and head to the cash. I explain my plight to the refund girl... she looks at me skeptically and says... 'oh, okay'.

She does the exchange, which btw mean $s coming back to me, my new ones are $18.45 each. Along the way to the cash though, I pick up a $10 item. I figure I owe her money. She however says 'I need your card, your debit card, the one you paid with.... huffffff'. I dig it out, she issues the refund.... yeah baby.

I'm in shock. I exit the store and only when I'm clear, do I check my bill. Well, in all of her huff and puff, she didn't look below the top receipt of 4 stapled together and see what they were all about. Oh no, instead, she works with the top reciept which was for the initial purchase of the the over charged cartridges.

The rest is history. I will never win the battle of Staples.... but I may avoid sticking them in my finger yet.

Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day. I'll try to get back in touch with you this week.... I have so many stories saved up - it ain't funny!

Hey anyone going to see Larry the Cable Guy? I want to know about this guy... any givers?

Do you really want to know?

Okay, so I've kept you wondering. Just what did I do with respect to a computer?

I found one btw. It wasn't that hard really. What was really astonishing about the whole process was that the fellow who I made the purchase from, actually appeared interested in helping me out in my quest.

I am as guilty as the next person when it comes to making purchases. I tend towards big box stores and warehouse types fooled by the perception that less frills = low cost. Once again, my ideals have been quashed.

Large retailers so I have come to find out do not really guarantee lower prices. A friend of mine who sells beds and mattresses will reinforce this. (though, I will say, even though I have never bought anything from her, I understand from many that have, she goes the extra distance and does indeed pass huge savings along to her clients - she is also extremely successful!) Large retailers often have 'price guarantees' and 'price protection' using statements like these: 'if you find this product (small print, exact product or group of products) for a lower price anywhere, we will match that price and give you a further discount'. What they don't really tell you is that the price comparison needs to be for the exact items.... not a version different, not a similar product, not a very much the same but with this iddy bitty tiny difference. Often they use this trick when they are the only chain to carry that exact version of that exact product, so finding a comparision is impossible.

Once again, I react that way most consumers do, I assume that there are better deals to be had. This past week of computer shopping however, changed that perspective. What I found was that a smaller, independent retailer can match and often can out do the sales points for items stocked by the big retailers.

In my quest for a new system once I was completely ticked off at Staples and 'the man', I ventured down a road I don't take often - I called a smaller outfit who was referred to me. As it turned out, I should have called them a week earlier and saved myself tons of grief and aggravation.

The store I ended up calling and dealing with was Northern Micro - located in Ottawa. Thanks to Kris and his side kick Allen I got the system I needed, at a price I was happy with, without having to fight, kick or scream. I walked in, Kris showed me my options, I made the decision, Allen installed the operating system and software and I was done. The total process took less than a day. I even flipped for the non pressured extended warranty, a 1/3rd of the cost of the large retailer's warranty. The total package, and I mean total + the extended warranty, a wireless keyboard and mouse and a very nice wide screen monitor was $350 less than the comparable system at Staples.

The moral of this story? I'd say that nine times out of ten, you are better off shopping in a smaller local store vs. a large and likely US owned retailer.

Thanks Kris and crew for making my computer buying decision that much easier. Maybe next time I need to make a purchase I'll better consider my options.

Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day!

Sometimes you should just kick me!

Yeah, you read right. You know when you bitch and complain about something, yet for some reason, you keep right on subjecting yourself to more of the same. We all do it. We all need to stop it - NOW!

Last week I set out to purchase a computer for a business requirement. Not a huge task, or at least I would have thought initially. I do not need to have a top notch, extremely lightening fast, gaming type system. I need some graphics capacity, good memory, able to run a few applications at a time. I want, not need, a flat screen monitor of good proportion, a colour multi function printer, a roller mouse and we are off to the races.

I start my search as so many others do now, online. I take a look at all of the competitors who advertise broadly and try to figure out who has the best value system at the time. After many clicks and several 'huffs' I resort to the fact that I am going to need to hit the pavement as purchasing online is almost impossible. (now, if I didn't have questions and fully understood what I could and could not live with, it would have been a task for 'check out online' - but of course I couldn't keep it that easy).

So, into the mess of stores I go. Here's where the story gets going. Years ago I attempted to purchase a PDA from Staples. I went to the Kanata Ontario store, spoke with a 'peripheral specialist' and was prepared to make the buying decision. With one catch. I wanted to actually see what the screen of this new PDA looked like (it was a featured Staples special, my VP at the time was covering the cost of it for me (sales incentive) and I needed to purchase from Staples (company arrangement)). The 'specialist' however could not allow this. You see, none of the PDA were charged and ready to view. In fact, none that were on special were even on display.

Now, I thought this odd and I also thought my request was within keeping. Oh no. 'We can't have an open box' says the clerk. 'But I'm not buying it without seeing the thing, what if I take it home, charge it up and hate the screen, then what, can I bring it back for a full refund?' 'Oh, no' says the clerk, 'we only give credit notes on opened handheld electronics products'. 'Oh yeah' I says..... I leave the store, call the manager to complain. In return I get a voice mail: ' Sorry you feel the way you do, we don't have a floor unit, this is our policy, when would you like to come in and pick up your PDA?'

I bought a PDA from Staples that time, but not from the Kanata store. My next trip to the pain in the butt store was for office supplies and for a multi function printer, fax etc. It was a no brainer, there was one in stock, I picked up the box (which was open and got an open box discount!) and left. No one so much as attempted to help me and given my experience, I did not care.

Fast forward to last week - now that you have my 'Staples Kanata' background. So..... I was shopping for a computer system. I'd done all the research, but still hadn't settled on a system. The one hinge was the printer - so many questions that I couldn't be answered online. I'm off to do in store shopping and make the purchase.

Against my better judgment, I enter Staples Kanata. I walk over to 'the man' and proceed to ask, 'Sir, what is your best value for a complete computer system right now?' 'the man' gets a flyer, hims and haws and says 'this one'. I says, 'humm, what does it come with?' 'Comes complete'. 'Hummmm' I says, 'printer/fax/multi function'? 'No, no fax, that'll be $75 extra, plus you loose the rebate'.

After further discussion on the necessity of a fax, cost of replacement cartridges etc. I decide I can go without a stand alone fax and ask 'the man', 'what is the total cost, tax included and is there anything else I will need to add to the cost or system to have word-processing, spreadsheets etc?' 'the man' says 'the total cost is $850 plus taxes, complete, walk out, no extra charges... oh, expect for a $30 USB cable.' I then ask ' how many do you have in stock (5:00pm) now and do you anticipate them all being sold tonight?' 'the man' says, 'I have nine complete systems and I will likely have them all tomorrow'.

I leave the store as I still need to shop one other location. Fast forward to the next day.

I decide that Staples has the best bang for the buck, even though 'the man' is not the most informed or friendly person I've ever met, I return to the store to buy the system. It is 11am the next day.

In the door I walk and I ask for 'the man', 'he's over there'. Off I go. I walk up and say, 'hello 'the man'. He looks at me like I'm from mars when I tell him I was in last night at 5pm and spoke to him and that he told me that he had nine systems in stock and that I'd like one of them. Not only does he not have any recall, he says, I didn't tell you that we had nine system, we are sold out. I'm floored.

'The man' does tell me to follow him as he checks to see if he can order more. He can. Now I'm a bit pissed and feeling like I should walk out the door when I ask the fatal question. 'Now, 'the man', do I need to purchase any other items, is it a fully functional system right? with MS office? and an operating system installed? - correct?'

Have a seat now! 'the man' says, (with a ton of disgust), 'It doesn't come with an operating system or Office - that's $500 extra.' WTF!!!!! I'm floored. I can barely speak. 'What do you mean, you said last night that the price you gave me was complete, not that I needed to pay all of this'. 'the man' looks me square in the eye and says, 'I didn't say that, that would be stupid, EVERYONE charges extra for operating systems and Office'. He adds the disgusted look to boot as I tell him.....'the man', 'thanks, but no thanks, you did tell me, now you've changed it, others do include it, $500 is excessive and at that rate, his good deal falls to one of the worst, out the door I go.

I'm still a wee bit pissed. What did I do about that computer system that created all the kuffle? Ah, that's another story!
Have a Hot Cherry Week.

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k....so you've been warned now...

avert your eyes if you're a prude etc..


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BUNCHA PERVS!!!


Ahhhhhhh the Holidays...a time of overindulgence..it's all wonderful. I am a true hedonist. I don't deny myself any pleasures. Actually, I lack that little ' Jiminy Cricket ' voice in my head that says.." whooooooa girl....you don't need another drink..or...heyyyyy, honey...that's your 3rd serving of pie...or...Listen Lady...you need to stop laughing..it's not funny...you're at a funeral ." Remember that scene in Charlotte's Web where Templeton the Rat goes to the County Fair and he's rolling in the cotton candy and licking all the discarded candy wrappers and he has that little rodent look of bliss on his face....I can totally relate.

So...on Christmas Day...I was tipping back mimosas all morning...champagne and chambord all afternoon...and chenin blanc followed by Bailey's all evening..basically...I was pinned by midnight.

There are a few things that you should never do when you're drunk

1. never drink and drive
2. never drink and sign into S&M chatrooms thinking it will be a hoot...these people have no sense of humour.
3. never attempt to create a homemade dildo using your husbands penis as a template.

Okay so....a few weeks before Christmas I was perusing my local Sex Shoppe ( doesn't it look so much more fancy when you add the e on the end of shop? ) And I stumbled across this really cool kit

CloneAWilly

naturally...I had to buy it..I figured, what a terrific way to celebrate the birth of Christ! Clone my husbands willy!! ( yeahyeah I know ...I'm going to Hell )

So...at 1am Christmas night..I decide..this is the BEST time to do this..I stagger to my closet, where the kit was hidden, and present this ' stocking stuffer ' to my husband...I was about to tell him how I thought it would be fun and when I turned around to see his reaction I noticed he was completely naked and prying off the cap with his teeth. no encouragement was required. go figure.

If you clicked on the link...and read anything about the Clone-a-Willy..you will see that it says..JUST ADD WATER..sounds easy enough..even an inebriated blonde at 1am should be able to do that blindfolded. Pffffftttt......it was so NOT that easy...yeah sure I needed water...and a SMALL list of other household items.

1. marker or pen
2. scissors
3. large mixing bowl
4. thermometer ( provided )
5. measuring cups
6. stopwatch
7. duct tape
8. cock ring

Took me an hour to round that stuff up...couldn't find an intact cock ring..substituted an elastic band that was securing a head of broccoli in my fridge..

my husband..whom I might add has done NOTHING to help me, is now laughing as he's watching me set up the Chemistry Lab in what was once our bedroom. The only thing missing was a freaking bunsen burner and litmus paper and it would have looked exactly like Mr Butler's 9th grade science class.

Now the last nightcap has hit me hard...but of course..I decide to have another...because reading the instructions with one eye closed just wasn't challenging enough I guess. And this is where the fun begins..

The directions say...and I am only going by a rather fuzzy memory because I tossed the instruction sheet...but it goes something like this.

1. Ensure that the penis to be cloned is fully erect..at it's maximum erectedness..and begin mixing molding gel with water...water HAS TO BE AT exactly 98 degrees..stir mixing gel and water *WARNING*...YOU HAVE 2 minutes from the beginning of mixing to the insertion of ubererect penis or the entire process goes to HELL...start your stopwatch!!! mix with right hand...use left hand to ensure ' maximum erection level' has been maintained...THE CLOCK IS TICKING HERE...pour the gel into the cylinder that has been taped off on one end with duct tape..TICK TOCK TICK TOCK...!!!

2. Immediately plunge erect penis into gel filled cylinder and ensure that the owner of erect penis is aware that he has to stay THAT ERECT for 2 minutes or once again the entire thing goes to HELL. yelling at him to KEEP IT UP at this point can be counterproductive.

3. Ensure that you do this in a bathtub because they fail to tell you that when you slap the cylinder on the erect penis...a whole lot of the mixing gel floods out and pours all over the carpet..and it DOESN'T come out of the carpet...like EVER. ( if I was sober I may have reasoned that this spillage could have occurred )

4. after 2 minutes...TICK TOCK TICK TOCK!!! remove the cylinder SLOWLY...hahaha!! it wasn't that easy at all...it had formed some sort of impenetrable suction device...I don't even think light could escape...my husband..who was all a grinning through the entire process...suddenly looked worried...I of course laugh my ass off because as I mentioned earlier...I don't have the Jiminy Cricket voice in my head...

5. let mold dry....FOR a FEW HOURS...( damn...okay that alright.. what's a few hours..it's already 5:30 am )have another drink ..or 2....or 7...

6. IT'S TIME!!!!! now prepare the liquid rubber mold...and pour it in to the hardened pre mold and allow to set for ....WHAT??? TWENTY FOUR FREAKING HOURS??? 24 hours?? get out of here!!! I want IT NOW...24 hours..sheesh....

As it stood....the 24 hour wait wasn't a bad thing...I threw up for close to 16 of the 24 hours so I had something to do whilst I waited for my masterpiece. I wasn't feeling quite up to unmolding the next day...so I actually waited an additional 24 hours until I felt a wee bit more...ummmm....human again...BIG MISTAKE...the mold SHRINKS quite abit after the first 24 hours....like ALOT...

The unveiling was intense... so much hard work ( no pun intended ) and now it was time for the big reveal ...I was banking on it looking exactly like one of the beautiful johnsons in the Gallery


it didn't unmold well...actually..it didn't really unmold at all...I had to shove my toothbrush handle in the end and kinda 'crowbar' it out. ...it looked like some 'shrunken penis witch doctor 'created this..I have NEVER even seen a cock that is THIS colour?? It actually had a hump in it....kinda like Quasimotopenis.. when I showed my husband...he instantly denied it...stabbing his finger at it and sounding like Bill Clinton...." That is certainly not my cock, I had nothing to do with the creation of THAT penis, what the hell did you do..put it away!!!"

I was laughing too hard to care that I dumped close to $ 70.00 on this thing.

I think I'll keep it...just because I love the look on my husbands face when he sees it...all mortified and pinched.

How to hide the extra Christmas cookie pounds

There are days when multi-media fluffy info bothers me. There are other days however, that I just like to shut my mind down and allow the flow of senseless information in. You guessed it, today is one of those days.

So, in honor of the 'I have so little energy to care' day (which btw, I know 98% of us are suffering from today) this is what I've found for you. Grab a tea or being a true Hot Cherry Chick - a glass of wine, put your feet up and prepared to be filled with details that likely will make no difference to you.

According to 'Good Housekeeping' (okay, who in this day in age has much time to worry about how to keep a better house, I would have thought an update of brand might be a good idea) here are 6 ways to look thinner:
1) wear a suit it makes you look thinner, but only if the jacket is fitted and the pants are straight (so much for updates in fashion styling)
2) cover up you flabby middle with a poncho or a tunic, they are designed to cover!
3) make sure your bag is large enough - one that is too small will make you look bigger. OMG, need I say anything more on this one?
4) emphasize your assets - wear a substantial fabric skirt that hide heavy thunder thighs and shows off pretty, elegant calves - I just don't buy it.
5) when you dress up, opt for the two piece separates vs the gown - better fit is the result. No kidding, now how do two pieces that emphasize my not so tiny waist offer slimming qualities?
6) distract with details, a ruffled neck or plunging takes the mind off of the other areas that are not so good. Don't we call this smoke and mirrors..... this isn't a slimming trick, it is what it is, a diversion.

Hey wait, I've found some more, this from a forum contributor:

"Trendy People: People with no sense of style, who will wear anything (flattering or not) because some catchy advertisement told them it was cool, and the mannequin in the store front was wearing it! Generally the kind of people who get excited when the store clerk tells them that "that item is selling like crazy", while they are looking at it.

Stylish People: People who express their individuality through the clothes that they choose to wear, regardless of what the latest advertisements are dictating to be "cool" for the moment. Whether they choose flattering or interesting outfits, these people usually find a way to determine what trends to buy into and what ones to avoid. And, they may wear the "latest trend" for a decade and still make it look good. Also, they are generally the kind of people who leave the store quickly when the store clerk says "that item is selling like crazy"."

I also found an article on how to apply a self tanner to look thinner..... if anyone wants to know more, let me know and I'll forward it to you.

So, for all you Hot Cherry Chicks who are dragging your butts this week, wondering what happened to the 'holiday' in Christmas.... the week is almost over, hang in there!

We're back!

Happy New Year all! It has been a while, feels like forever, wow - I've missed ya all.

FYI - the holidays were good. A wee bit too busy though. In other words, not much down time, in fact, no down time - wow, no wonder I am not that fond of them. I am continually reminded of how much stress the 'season' puts on everyone. There are few who escape it. Hustling and bustling around, like chickens sans heads, running off to jump in the boiling pot of water and become part of the stew..... ahh, thank goodness it is over!

Now we have yet another new year... the last one blew past, gone, in a puff of smoke. Similar to the cigars I used to smoke. I'm reminded of all of the trials and tribulations of the past year. Hubby has a saying - 'what does not kill you only makes you stronger' (yeah, he borrowed it, but it is better than, 'quicker than a fat kid on a tricycle' -don't ask me, I don't know). Well, I'm not dead but I'm not sure how much stronger I am either. I guess only time will tell.

I walked back into the gym today - yes one of the millions across North America who took a look at themselves in the mirror and just about had a heart attack. Now I'm a pretty dedicated gym attendee. I actually love to go there, work out and hide from predators and hubby for a bit. The holidays being what they are though, left me severely short on time and energy. So yeah, I slacked off.... really slacked off as a matter of fact. 'Ah, a couple of weeks out of the gym won't kill me'. Nope, that's for sure.... but the snacking instead of exercising sure will!

So, today was 'full gym day'. Many of the same ole same ole were there, but there were plenty of giggly post Christmas newbies as well. Now, let me be the first one to tell you how much I applaud folks for going to the gym. I don't care what shape you are, everyone can benefit from some form of regular exercise. Be that to slim down, better a heart rate or simply to distress - it is always a win/win situation. Back to me - so, I went, I conquered, I promised to be true (again) I worked out, watched Dr. Phil and a wee bit of Oprah... and left. Content that I was doing something for both my body and soul.

This whole story really is not about the gym so much as it is about the parking lot at the gym. Wow, crazy. Not only at the gym though (which is notorious for being busy, lacking spaces and easy navigation) every parking lot was the same. Crowded, busy, full of 'lost their minds' crazy (aka crazed) drivers. I'm not sure where everyone was headed in such a rush. Certainly there were no left over turkey sales that I saw at least. The stores had pretty much put away all of their discounted decorations (I know this because I spent 1/2 the day trying to find clear mini lights) and surely everyone had returned their 'nope doesn't fit, nope don't like it, nope - just what were you thinking gifts'. What the panic was all about, I will likely never know.

I backed into a shopping cart today too. No damage to either the truck or it. Though there was some strong cursing coming from the driver. Now the only reason I backed into a shopping cart in the first place was because idiot mittens, in the gold Intrepid, was getting impatient. I could hear him breathing heavy and complaining to his wife from inside of my truck - that's how bad it was. So in an attempt to make him happy, I backed up quickly... sending the shopping cart leaping up the curb.

I was in Walmart today too. I was very, very frightened. I remember when we first got a Walmart in our city several years ago. Service was wicked. Everyone was nice, informed and willing to help. Oh what a difference a few years make.

I made my first Wally world stop today looking for Christmas lights. The store had a few small shelves with Christmas gear, but no lights. So, I go up to the 'friendly, happy, greeter' to inquire if I should be looking in a different place. After he takes me to where I was just standing (wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to tell him I'd already been there and there were none) - confused himself, he says 'I'll ask the assistant manager, over there, he'll know'... 'Walter... you know if there are any more Christmas lights anywhere?' Yelling back Walter says 'Bill, how the heck am I supposed to know?' I left the store immediately. Damn, if the Assistant manager doesn't know, who would. (I ran!)

I made a few more stops in search of the lights, battled nasty people, in nasty little cars, all looking like something had ticked them off = maybe the met Walter and Bill? My next stop yields me no return either. In fact the nice little sales clerk, looked at me like I'd just been rolling around in pudding and says 'no, everything is packed away and we can't get it out for you, next year'. I ran from here too!

Next it was to another Walmart - still no luck. Simply no lights, anywhere. Oh, yeah just for the record. I don't shop at Walmart and I'm okay with that. I prefer to give my cash to Canadian based companies when ever possible. When it is not, I like to pick the 'less evil' over Walmart. It took great restraint to walk out of Wally world without buying something... there is just so much cheap, un-required, shinny, bobbley junk.... I ran from the temptation!

My last stop was at a grocery store on the way home. Bingo... lights baby! I bought them all. White lights are my friend.

The parking lots btw, didn't get any better. Nor did the crazed drivers on the way home.

There are so many stories we need to share with you - keep your eyes open for a few gut splitting funny till you cry blogs from Shaken not Stirred - you won't be disappointed!

Oh, and before I forget and leave you wondering... what the heck.... The pictures - can't you just see me, drinking rum on the beach, watching the world go by? Exactly. Perfect.

In the meantime, Have a wonderful Hot Cherry Day.
Welcome to a new year..... may it bring you joy, happiness and allow you to 'put smiles on faces'!